The Longest Nite

Brave only when there is disaster?

2007-07-05T09:36:00.000-04:00

So I watched "World Trade Center" last nite and I have to say that I was pretty impressed. It made the experience horrific on both a public and personal level. The sight of wounded men being helped out in stretchers by hundreds of people was both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
It did make me question one thing though. Why does something on the scale of the World Trade Center being attacked have to happen in order to bring people together? Yes, this incident showed that there is still good people in this world who are capable of helping simply because they are needed and it is the right thing to do. Well, they are still needed. There are a multitude of problems around the world that desperately need the help of good people, so why are they being ignored?! Apparently we need to hit these people in the face in order for them to step up to the plate. And that is sad.

On a side note: The movie was almost killed for me when a marine says the line: "They are going to need good men out there to avenge this" *sigh* Yes, lets go and do the same thing that they did to us, but to a greater scale. That will fix things!! *shakes head with disgust*

A New Place

2007-05-03T10:08:00.000-04:00

So we are all moved in, and the place is finally looking like a home rather then a storage unit. I really like the way things are going and am starting to relax into another new house. Thanx to all who helped us move on the day of craziness. We really couldnt have done it without you! We will be having multiple gatherings I am sure, as the back yard is perfect for them.
Thats about it for now I guess. Just wanted to update. Not that anyone reads blogs anymore! lol

Things happen for a reason

2007-04-09T17:58:00.000-04:00

Well April has finally arrived and I am finally starting to feel a bit more stable in my life.

I got wait listed for teachers collage, which sucks but with the double cohort graduating I guess the spots filled up pretty quickly. I am going to go and talk to the admissions in the Education department here and find out where I need to improve in my application. And then use the next year doing so. I also plan on going back part-time next year (although still graduating in June) to upgrade. Give them no reason not to get me in next year.

I have a place to live, and one that I can afford. Richard, John Lyle and I are all moving into a big two bedroom apt on Crawford. The place is beautiful, huge and cheap. Oh and I will have a backyard again!! One of the first things I will be doing is putting in a garden that I will actually be able to enjoy this year!

Things with Richard and I are going well. One step at a time.

My life otherwise has been pretty lonely. Dont get me wrong I love my friends, but it sucks that they are all in other towns. I miss Amanda. I think that perhaps it is best for both of us that things were broken off (neither of us were happy), but I wish that things had of been handled more maturely. I am not angry anymore nor really hurt. I just simply miss a friend that I had considered a sister. Neither of us have so many friends to throw away those close to us. But at the same time, if neither of us were happy or felt comfortable with the other person anymore....I dont know if much could have been done to save the friendship we had let fall apart. I do miss my sister though.

But everything happens for a reason.

Perhaps not getting into teachers collage this year is a blessing in disguise; Richard may be done by the time I get out of teachers collage now and we can move together to London.

Moving in with John and Richard will give Richard and I time to adjust again and give us the chance to really work on seeing if we can get back together.

And things with Amanda have forced me to take stock on all of my friendships and decide what I feel is important for a friendship to have. It has forced me to draw the line between what I am willing to give to another person and what I need for myself.

So, Mom was right. Everything does happen for a reason and the only thing I can do is try to learn the lessons as they fly by and treat others as I would like them to treat me. Everyone makes mistakes but you need to learn to forgive yourself and only take the blame for what you have actually done wrong. It sucks sometimes but life moves on and you can either sit and cry or get off your ass and move along with it.

What is a friend?

2007-03-21T21:39:00.000-04:00

I have had a pretty good reason to analyze this question a lot lately.

What makes a good friend?
What do you expect from a friend?
And do you follow those expectations yourself?

A bunch of different situations over the past year have made me really question who my true friends are and who are simply the people I hang out with. This has been a hard distinction for me to make, simply because I have always put a lot of weight on friendship.

My close friends are my family. In many cases, they are closer to me then members of my biological family. I give unconditional love to my close friends and I know that I expect the same. I stand by these people through anything and everything, if I agree or not. Although, if I dont agree, I will say something. (Right, Steph?) Some people can handle this and some cant.

I expect only what I give.

Actually most times I expect a lot less then I give.

I will bend over backwards for a friend. I often times (too often for my own good according to my therapist) put their needs and wants ahead of my own. And I dont expect them to do the same.

Some of these things have to change. Others will stay the same.

So what should I expect?

I will expect my friends to be there for me.
I will expect them to be truthful and honest to me.
I will expect disagreements to happen, but will also expect mature reactions and solutions.
I will expect them to put in effort to spend time with me.
I will expect to cry, laugh, sing, dance, have fun and be bored with my friends.
I will see them through their worst nightmare and they will see me through mine.
I wont have to talk to them everyday to know that they are there.
I will trust them with my life, soul, reputation and even my secrets.

This is what I expect from a true friend. And what I will expect of myself to give to a true friend.

Not everyone will be a true friend. Some people are just fun to have a drink with. Others have great stories to listen too. And there will even be those whose only purpose is to teach you lessons through their own mistakes.

A true friend is not something that you find everyday and I am extremely lucky to have the ones I do in my life. We have been through shit. We have seen each others at a worst. We have yelled and screamed and cried and threatened. But we have also laughed. A lot.

To those of you in my life that I would trust with my life, and you know who you are; Thank you. With all of my heart.

2007-03-04T13:52:00.000-05:00

I would like to say something on the topic of problem solving skills.

Find one that works.

Dont simply ignore the problem...it wont go away, it will only fester.

Problems are like bombs. If you dont defuse them and find a way to neutralize them, they can and will explode. It may not be today or tomorrow or next week, but it will happen. And then you may lose something very dear to you in the blast.

PS: Before anyone gets their nose out of joint...this is a personal lesson that I am sharing. It is not directed at anyone.

I am Grateful for....

2007-02-15T16:06:00.000-05:00

The following is an assignment that I was asked to do in a study group I have recently joined. Make a list of what you are grateful for. A good thing to do any time that you may be feeling down or lost. So here goes:

Life lately has been so increadibly stress-filled and I often feel as though I have no control over what is happening. I try very hard to take only one day at a time, yet lately this is getting harder and harder. I also feel as though nothing I am doing is worth anything or is enough.

So here is my list as it stands. Some of the items may seem strange or you may not understand. I am here if you would like explinations or whatever.

I am grateful for:

My Mommy, also my best friend and one of the strongest people I know; someone I can always count on and who knows me better then I know myself some days.
My Nanny and Poppa Scott, who have always been there to help, even when I didnt want to ask for it.
My sisters, Saturnine and Gypsy, who have seen me at my worst and yet still love me.
Richard, whom I have hurt so much, yet is still loving and willing to let me make it up; he is my rock and THE stongest and most forgiving person I have ever known; the one who finally made me believe that love can truly overcome all.
Another chance with my Koegler grandparents and aunt.
The short letter and pictures I was sent by the half-sister I dont know.
Those professors who never gave up on me and who have helped me through my long term at the U.
My inner strength, which will only let me break down for so long before moving me forward
My long-lost friends; no matter how scattered we are, our love and friendship is true.
My health, no matter how crappy it may be, I can still enjoy the world around me.
Mother Nature, for smiling down and all around me; for protecting and teaching, and for always, always loving.
Finally, hopefully finding a group I can share with and grow with and learn with

The world can get pretty crappy and scary; it is nice to remember that not everything is uncertain. I am learning, slowly, that just because someone else may have gone through worse, it does not mean that your sufferring is not less valid. And there are people who care.

Food for Thought

2007-01-28T10:57:00.000-05:00

I saw the following quote in psych. services this week:

Maturity begins to grow when you can sense

your concern for others outweighing

your concern for your self.

-unknown

Imagine the world we would live in if people put the concern of others ahead of their own benefits. That would be a world which I would have no fear raising my children in.

Birthday Nite Notice

2007-01-16T17:06:00.000-05:00

This year is the big 2-5; a quarter of a century old!! Getting old! lol

Anyway, this year my birthday falls on a Saturday but the night before is a party at the bar I work at. Marti Gras Mascarade!!

So, this is a formal invite for anyone who wishes to come and join me in celebrating my 25th year. If you let me know before hand, I can get a few tickets, although I still believe there will be a 5$ cover.

So come on out dressed for a party, and dont forget your mask!! :D

New Blog

2007-01-03T19:39:00.000-05:00

So I thought I would try out the new and improved Blogger, just to see. I have to say, as someone who doesnt know very much about html, the new layout system is SO much easier and more fun.
so here you go...new and improved. Kinda girly but I like it.
Any thoughts?

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007

2007-01-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

Let's hope that 2007 is better.

Learn the lessons of the past year.
Remember with fondness the good times.
Walk forward with a raised head.
Only looking up from here!

Blessings on everyone for the year to come!

Thoughts on a topic of the season

2006-12-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

This time of year brings with it thoughts of the new year and reflections on the past. As of late, I find myself pondering the notion of forgiveness and all that it entails.

I find the ideal of absolute forgiveness given simply by asking it, although admorable on the part of the forgiver, unreasonable. For someone to be forgiven, I feel that they should first be able to recognize their error, understand the outcomes of that error and honestly work to deserve the forgiveness that they are asking for. If forgiveness is given without this, nothing is learned. Instead, people are not asked to be responsible for the outcomes of their actions and the more and more people will be taught that their actions should be about themselves only.

I am not saying that people should have to "jump through hoops" to gain something that only makes us stronger in the long run. Forgiveness should be given, but only once the error has been recognized and compensation at least attempted.

I am curious about how others feel about this topic. If you would, please share your opinion.

But in the end the choice is not mine.

2006-11-30T11:06:00.000-05:00

Well that time has finally come. All of my teacher's applications have been sent and now there is nothing to do but wait. I definately appriciate more what my fellow DREDs went through both last year and the year before. I got to apply. I got to make the best cases I could with my experience profiles. I get to upgrade classes next semester. But in the end the choice is not mine. People who dont know anything more about me then the applications sitting in front of them get to decide what will happen to my life next year.

Maybe that is best, becasue to be completely honest I dont really know what would be best for me to do next year anymore. I was all gung-ho about going to London. I have friends and family there; Amanda and Tristan were going, possibly Richard, and it is a brand new town to start fresh. My therapist says my expectaions of London are too big, and she is prolly right. Now, however, that has changed. If I went to London I would be going alone. Is that best? Do I move away from the few people left I can depend on and spend time with? Or would Windsor be best? Less jobs in the long run but more support. I really dont know.

I have to admit that my opinion is being swayed by the fact that Richard is giving me another chance. Nothing is set in stone or even sand right now but I am okay with that. I know that I have a LOT of making up to do and am up to the challenge. Nothing important and special is ever aquired with ease. Just the fact that he is allowing me to try is something that I cherish. It is going to be very difficult but I have no one to blame for that but myself. I screwed up, now it is up to me to prove time and again that I am commited to making things better. He is calling the shots right now and that is okay by me. I will do my best and hope that that will be good enough this time.

Re-reading all of this I am noticing that is doesnt sound very happy but that is the opposite of how I am feeling. Yes, I am stressed and exhausted but I am also mostly content with where my life is right now. I am extremely thankful for all that I have. I dont have to look over my shoulder wondering who I am hurting or upsetting. I dont have to question if what I am doing is right or if I should be following another path. Sure life isnt perfect but thats fine. To sound entirely cheesy, life is a journey and for the first time in a while I feel as though I am on the right path. There will always be choices and yes pain in inevitable but I should never be on a path where everyday I must worry about who I am hurting. I have lost a lot over this past year but I no longer blame anyone other then myself. I made choices. Some of them bad, some of them the only ones I felt I could make, a lot of them hurt. But I am who I am. And I am okay with that.

I love my new job!

2006-11-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

This job is great! Sure, I work every saturday nite, so that means no Loop, but I get to listen to good music, watch drunk people try to take on not drunk bouncers (always a hoot), watch girls fall out of shirts two sizes too small for tits that big, laugh at the lengths some people will go to get picked up, read my book and get paid for it! Tips are good and afterwards if I want to, I can stay until the wee hours of the morning getting drunk on 2$ drinks, chatting and playing eucure!

My job rocks!

2006-10-12T14:40:00.000-04:00

AM I TRUE TO MYSELF?
by Edgar Guest

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and self
I want to be able to like myself
I don't want to look at myself and know
That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

School school and more school

2006-10-05T16:20:00.000-04:00

So I worked my last day with PDC yesterday. 10.5 hours of staring at rusty bearings. fun. No more until May. See ya!

Now is time to focus on school and not going nuts. I have been in school way too bloody long and it is time to graduate already so I can leave. Then if I want to go on in school, fine. But at least I will feel like I have actually accomplished something rather then sitting on my ass.

This past weekend I helped move Richard into Amanda and Tristan's place. I've been spending a bunch of time over there which has been nice. It is nice to have one place that has most of the people that I depend on and make me happy. They, plus Natalie, are keeping me from either becoming a hurmit or exploding and hurting something/one or myself. Although maybe a little hurmit time would be a good thing from time to time. My temper is short and anxiety high. Makes me fun to be around Im sure.

Ever feel like you are swimming in quicksand? Its a great feeling. Just enough air to keep going but always fighting for the next breath.

Im sorry. This is a rather depressing post. Im going to stop now before I say more. blah.

2006-09-19T21:33:00.000-04:00

Does absence make the heart grow fonder or simply more resentful and angry?

And why does every little thing have to become so big?

A Great Book

2006-09-14T16:10:00.000-04:00

Joanna has this great tendency to buy me books that fit exactly what I am going through at that time. So with the past year being as it was, she recently bought me "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus." I just finished it.

Anyone who has ever had relationship issues; anyone who has ever been confused by what someone of the opposite sex, or even the same sex as done, this book is for you!! It is so increadibly informative. The author goes through all of the most common misconceptions and misunderstandings that people of the opposite sex have, explains where each is coming from and why they do the things they do, and then goes into how best to deal with it. There are so many situations that I connected with, often times when I did things without even realizing why I was doing them!

It explains why men pull away when in an intimate relationship; that most men have the need to "fix" things and come up with solutions; "the cave" that men retreat to and how women can best deal with them when they do; why women seem perfectly happy one day and then down-spiral the next (and no, Im not talking about PMS!); what happens when a couple fights and why things often dont get resolved; etc, etc, etc....

All of his findings are from actual cases, which makes them so easy to relate to and see yourself in. It makes you feel like, "no, we are not crazy and messed up; other people have gone through the exact same thing before!" And here are some nifty solutions that have worked many times before.

So for anyone who has ever wondered why their partner acts the way he/she does or even why you act the way you do....READ THE BOOK! Trust me. You will be happily surprised. I was.

Internal Playlist

2006-09-06T11:12:00.000-04:00

Music often does a good job of hitting the right nerves. The following songs have hit a lot of nerves in me lately and I think say what I have been feeling.
Please keep in mind that these are songs so not everything can be taken literally; they simply express my inner emotions.

Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
I'm no Angel - Dido
All Good Things (Come to an End) - Nelly Furtado
Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
Beautiful Lie - Esthero

I am not asking for anything; simply expressing.

-S

The healing place that is Port Burwell

2006-08-06T09:24:00.000-04:00

This place is so beautiful and peaceful. Nature all around and all of the elements are present in their most natural forms. A feeling a peace surrounds me and is keeping me from being too upset.

I am staying longer. I know of no better way to heal.

What the last 10 mos has taught me

2006-08-04T14:02:00.000-04:00

1. Some people ARE what people warn you about and no amount of wanting it to be wrong will change it.

2. Pain means nothing, or close enough to it, unless its the pain someone else is inflicting on you, unfairly.

3. Sometimes love isnt enough.

4. Say whatever you want because the moment you do something seen as different, your words mean nothing.

5.What you do isnt as important as what people think of you.

6. Everyone makes mistakes but dont screw up.

7. Broken people arent worth helping unless you get what you want from them.

8. Understanding is more important than passion; it will also last longer.

9. Know exactly what you want before you do ANYTHING.

10. Trying is never good enough; do it or dont bother.

I hope I am learning fast enough. I guess the world is not as caring and loving as I thought it was. Most people want what they want when they want it and if not, then oh well.

I dont want to be told Im broken anymore. I dont want to be in so much pain. I want the light to shine. I want to be whole. I want my faults and cracks to be okay. To be part of me.

2006-08-01T00:25:00.000-04:00

I am not giving up.
I refuse to allow this to end in sorrow.
There is too much to lose
and so much waiting to be grasped.
Enough of sitting and letting things happen.
I will NOT just melt away.
Time can heal,
but only if given reason.
Love is a reason,
in its many forms.
It is time to take charge.
Past time.
I can learn and I am.
Not again.
Right this time.
Dont give up.
Ever.

Good Times had by All!!

2006-07-14T22:04:00.000-04:00

So anyone who reads Rylan's blog will know that we were on vacation this past week. Something that we had been hoping to do for a long while and finally got to. And I'll tell you what.....it was a blast!!

We split the week between visiting with my family and friends in Peterborough and finally making it to Gravenhurst, staying at Dave's place.
Peterborough was busy and fun. Manda, Steph and Jamie plus lots of sangria; Ribfest and Pirates'; Family BBQ (Im the shortest grandchild now!!!!), and, of course, Wonderland. After all of that relaxation time in Gravenhurst was very much needed and so very nice. I could handle living in a place like that; or at least being able to go for a few months and get away. And I got to spend time with Dave. I have to admit that I was unsure at first but I had a great time. I wish we could have stayed longer.

We made it back with lots of pictures, a full week of full nites of sleep, and smiles on our faces. And Rylan now owns sandles and a bathing suit!! *lol*

Thank you Dave and parents for such a great time; Steph and Jamie, come visit whenever you would like, same for you Manda; this week was very much needed and will be remembered with smiles for long to come. Thank you all.

2006-06-01T19:31:00.000-04:00

I want to speak for you to hear
but know not what to say.
Emotion that lacks language;
Pictures without words
running through my head,
trying to break free...
Close the mouth tight.
Breath not a word.
Hide behind a mask.

Oh so tired...

2006-05-14T08:04:00.000-04:00

The summer seems to have started off with a bang, and like always some of it is good and some not so. However, things seem to be looking up.

I started working with PDC last monday, full time. And let me tell you...600 is way too early in the morning! Luckily there is a Timmies right down the street. mmmm...Timmies. :) Other then the early mornings the job is going well. Some interesting tension (for obvious reasons) but its work, so we'll get through it. Laura is a great boss and the other employees seem pretty easy to get along with. I'll just have to get used to the early mornings and working 40+ hours a week...

My apartment finally looks like a home and not just a pile of boxes with places to sit. This is mostly thanks to my mom and my grandparents who came to visit me this weekend. The can really get things accomplished when they put their minds to it. I have things on the walls; I have mats on the floors and my shelves are full to bursting. Ahh....nice clean apartment. What a nice feeling. I will have to start having people over..once I get on my feet and am not so exhausted.

124 Elm if anyone is ever interested in coming by. Just follow the flowers... ;)

2006-04-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

So I finished my exams. Finally. And I dont think I did too bad either, which is nice to think about.

Roman Civ was way too easy; when the prof says "okay, 1/2 hour has passed" and half of the class charges him....yeah, might want to think about upping the difficulty on that test. Not that Im complaining, I just thought it was kinda funny.

So on to packing it is. Im sure I will find things that I didnt even know I had! Its like an adventure, or shopping in your own home! I have way too much stuff...

Oh, and that stupid english essay....stupid english.

Things are looking up

2006-04-23T09:40:00.000-04:00

So I finally found a place to live. As of May 1st I will be living one street over on Elm and one block down towards the river. Its a nice little apartment with a great landlord (one that actually pays attention to the needs of his tenents) and hopefully good neighbours (or so he says). I also get to choose what colour paint I want. And there are gardens for me to work in. It may take me a bit to get settled and have the cash to pay everything that I need to on a regular basis but I have my hopes up.

Once I have everything set up, I'll have to have a bit of a get together to show off the new place. I'll let people know when I am ready for that.

BTW my number will be staying the same, so no one have the excuse of not knowing my new number. *smile*

Now if I can just get through my last two exams....sigh

-Cora

PS: I am NOT mad at Steph, so whomever told her that was wrong. Steph and I haven't even talked in many a moon. She does her thing and I do mine. Seems to work for both of us.

2006-04-16T12:04:00.000-04:00

There seems to be a common thought going around that I am out to shit on people; you know, make up lies, spread them around...you know the sort. Not going to happen. If you feel that I have wronged you in anyway, shape or form, I am sorry. If you would like an explination or to talk about it with me, you know where I live (at least for a couple more weeks). I have not gone out of my way to make things difficult for people. I am simply trying to live my life the best I can and make up for mistakes I have made. As far as I am aware that only includes Richard Clarke, Chris Hackett and Amanda Roy. If you are not one of these people and feel I have wronged you, please step forward and I will find time to go through things with you.

If you are uncomfortable around me or are planning to hold my actions against me, again I am sorry to make you feel that way. I am doing what I can to right things myself. I will make mistakes; I am human after all (or at least that is what I am told). If you feel our relationship with each other is at stake because of this and feel I am not doing anything/enough to right that, please get in contact with me. Otherwise I am going to assume that you have no problems with me and put my focus on other issues in my life.

I apologize if I am short of temper or seem distent. Please do not take it personally. Right now I am focusing on finding a place to live in 14 days and get through exams. Trust me, if I have a real problem with you, I will talk to you about it.

Thank you

Just a Post

2006-04-05T10:17:00.000-04:00

So last weekend was fun. Went to Yuk Yuks Friday nite, along with Sean taking me to Bubies. Saw Cats on Sat. for his birthday and then off to the Loop Sat nite. It was busy and fun for the most part. Got to truly meet Tim (had technically met him before but he was at work). What a great guy. Quiet and extremely nice. A nice grounding influence on Sean as well. It was good.

Unfortunatly life is going in waves again. And to be completely honest I am getting sick of it. Oh course it would make things so much better if I wasn't going in waves. Just frustrating is all. Those who know what I am talking about know....others it isn't really any of your business. Sorry if that sounds mean...it is just there has been too many people getting involved in things that dont concern them. If you aren't involved, thank your lucky stars and stay out. Trust me.

Anyway, School is almost done..thank goodness. And hopefully I will be making money soon. Paying bills would be nice. Also I would love to know for sure if I have a place to live in a month.

Okay I am starting to bitch again so Im just going to say tootles.

Give a hug to someone you care about. And try to make someone you may have issues with smile. There is too much anger and mistrust in this world.

2006-03-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

I spoke too soon.

Weekends of Craziness

2006-03-17T12:01:00.000-05:00

So the next few weekends are going to be nuts but I am a-okay with that. Heather is down this weekend (got in last nite); there is the party at Daves tonite and then either another party tomorrow or the Loop. Ahh...choices. And then Sean and Aaron come down the last weekend of the month. I am excited. It will be nice to spend time with people I dont normally get to see. And on top of all of this visiting there is school. Not as fabulous but still a must (at least for another month and a bit). Keeps me busy, which is very much needed at times. But overall things have been looking up. I hope they continue to.
See most people tonite hopefully.

Happy St Patties everyone!!

2006-02-15T17:27:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is not supposed to be a day for tears and to fight over. I long for the days of happiness and carefree manners, when everything is not scrutinized with a fine-tip comb and people are not made to feel negitive emotions on a regular basis.

Wake me when that day comes...otherwise just let me sleep.

The Holidays

2005-12-30T00:02:00.000-05:00

This year's holidays have been full of ups and downs, like the rest of life lately and I think that is why. People are too stressed to not take things to heart, no matter what is said. It is too bad but this time of the year always brings its own load of stress; lack of money, missing family members and friends, running into people you dont want to, looking back on the past year, etc. So it is understandable why it would be so stress filled. But good comes with the bad. It was nice to spend time with family and friends that I do not get to see very often. I even got to have a really good conversation with my brother out in BC on Christmas day. So over all it was a nice holiday, not necessarily as restful as I had hoped but good anyway.

And I got some really cool stuff!!

Hope that everyone had a good and relaxing holiday. Merry Christmas; Happy Channuka; Happy Yule; Happy Kwaanza and anything else that I may have missed.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

2005-12-11T20:22:00.000-05:00

So Chris and I dropped by the Loop last nite and I saw something that made me giggle with delight; Next Friday they are having a Nightmare Before Christmas dress-up party to make up for being closed on Halloween!!!

Right smack in the middle of exams I know, but I think we could all use a bit of a breather, so I propose we all get together and go. Maybe just for a bit but I think it would do everyone some good to just go out and have some good ol' fashioned fun.

So who's with me?!? *smile*

Listen up....

2005-12-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I last posted and there are a couple of reasons for that. First life has been way too stress filled to worry about what is going on in the land of blogs (sorry guys) and secondly it seemed kinda pointless as everyone seems to have their own version of the life in this house right now. I have heard some pretty impressive things and have been accused of doing some stuff that I wish I had of been around for. It bothers me that most people dont come to any of the sources involved to get facts; instead the grape vine seems to be doing some impressive work. All I am going to say on the matter is this, so listen up if you are interested:

Richard and I are even. Even steven. On a level playing field. Both have made some mistakes and hurt the other person, but we are even. Now we are going to try to salvage a friendship, because we both still want to be apart of each others lives. It will take time but is possible. If you truly want to help then please support this; if not, then please screw off. Enough people are involved as it is, we do not need any more tension then is already here.

To those of you who have made a point to know the facts before passing judgement, I thank you with my whole heart. There needs to be more people like you in this world.

Whiskey Party!!

2005-11-08T10:46:00.000-05:00

Remember what it was like to be in elementary school and you had those dumbass giant coolers with that orang-y- syrup stuff to drink. Well we here at, well you know the address *wink*, figured that to be truly happy in life, you need to think outside the cooler. So, instead of putting that orange goop in the cooler we're renting from McDonalds, we're putting in whisky.

Lots of whisky.

Come one come all to our party. Admittance is about 10 ounces of whisky (Specifically Canadian Club Special Reserve- Found at your local LCBO) so two people to one mickey of whisky.

When: November 19th
Why: Because whisky DESERVES to be served in a giant McDonalds Jug.
Time: We start the whisk-ing at about 7:30-8:00. there will be a card table down stairs and greek/roman- almost hedonistic pillows and matresses about for casual hanging around and drinking of whisky. Later in the night we may decide to head out to a classy establishment like the loop for the purposes of dancing. After which we can always return to the house here for continued debauchery.
Admttance- Two people to a mickey, if you think you'll drink more than half a mickey, feel free to bring more. Its all going into the same bucket anyway...so whatever

Warning: While snacks will most likely be provided by the house, MIX will not. Bring your own pop or whatever you need to mix your rye with.

If you're driving, then another fee for admittance will be handing over your keys to the hosts. Thats the rules.

Clearly we will reserve the right to remove people from the party who are being bigger dicks than chris, there will be no smoking in the house, tho you may feel free to do it outside. And while we do not necessarily partake in any smokables that may be brought in or around our house, we will not discriminate against those who wish to partake. (This means keep the weed outside kids.)

Feel free to extend this invitation to people friendly and known to one of the members of the house. Sig. others are welcome etc etc etc.

Any questions please feel free to e-mail me at hackett50@hotmail.com or Sarah at ember_3@hotmail.com.

Im sure we will see you there.

Halloween fun?

2005-10-27T18:47:00.000-04:00

So Halloween is here again and for some reason I am just not in the mood at all this year. I just dont get it. Its not that I am in a funk or anything, in fact I am overall happier then I have been in a long while, just not in the halloween spirit. I still want to do a pumpkin and hand out candy if any kiddies come by but that is about it for decorations this year. As for costumes I figure I will go either as a School Girl (not original at all I know) or a Sheeperdess (think 10th Kingdom).

What about everyone else? Any fun costuming this year?

Yeah thats about it for me. Just thought I should update this thing and say hi. Hugs all around!!! *smile*

The Screwy Life of Me

2005-09-27T09:11:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was crappy. All I am going to say about it is I hate doctors and where can I go to get a body replacement? Just take it...seriously...I dont want it anymore.

Tonite is the big general meeting for the club I am running. Yes you heard right...I am running. Why is it that I can never find people that do what they say they will do and punk out when it gets difficult. GRRRRRR!!! is all I have to say about you. But hopefully tonite will mark the beginning of yet another club year and yet another club council. Here's hoping that this one stays around longer then the last.

On happier notes: People are coming to visit!!! I am happy. Lisa is coming down on friday for the weekend. Time to get freaky!! And Eddie will be coming to visit...finally. It has only taken him 5 years. At the same time I am not going to hold my breath as I am sure something will come up. It always does with him. sigh

Things in the house seem to be finally working smoothly: knock on wood. Richard is doing well in school and although stressed, he seems to be happy. Makes me happy. Chris and I are getting along great. I am so happy that we are getting to know each other more and building such a great friendship. Means a whole lot to me. As for me myself I am stressed but seeming to handle it okay. Taking a full course load for the first time in a long while, plus working and running the club. Falling apart as usual but that is nothing new.

Went to my first Magic Pre-release over the weekend. It was an experience. I didn't win anything but got a bunch of really nice cards. The art in this set is amazing. I know I know...typical girl liking the pretty pictures but just look at it for yourself. I also bought my first singles (although I have yet to spend more then a buck on a single card) and got the beginnings of my angel and wurm decks. Oh and Richard gave me his card binder so I have a binder now. Who knew that something I got into just to connect more with Richard and so I would understand what the whole house (last year) was ranting about would end up being something I am interested in and having fun with! *smile*

Anyway that is me right now.

Just another thing...

2005-09-15T17:10:00.000-04:00

Another school year has come calling and it promises to be an interesting one. Richard is finally in school, which I am happy about, and I am back up to taking a full course load. The issues around the house seem to have died down for the time being, although with such large personalities living in the same building I will not be surprised if this isn't the last time. The Club is back up and starting to chug along. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks I will actually have a full council and will feel a bit more comfortable and could actually breath. We did pretty well at Club Days this year, but it will completely depend on who all shows up at the first General Meeting. I want to do a bunch of stuff this year that we had not the chance to do last, as well as a few other ideas floating around in my head, but the first thing will be to have a council that is willing to work.
The next couple of weekends promise to be entertaining, with John coming down this weekend, the Magic pre-release in TO next weekend and then Lisa coming to visit the weekend after that. It is nice to know that people are still around and dont just disappear from your life once they leave Windsor.
There are a few things that are on my mind at present, including a so-called rumor that seems to be floating around again about me, but I really dont know what to say about it all. The people that know me will discount what they hear; those who don't, don't know me and that is their loss. Or is it that I just dont know myself? Too much to worry about and stress over and I am trying to get rid of as much stressin my life as I possibly can.
On that note.....school calls. Later all.

Summer in Review

2005-08-24T14:50:00.000-04:00

Well the end of the summer is fast approaching and school is not too far away. Friendships have changed; more have moved away and some, although in town, are even farther away. Everyone has some stories to share about the summers they had, either good or bad; and everyone is looking forward to the next year with varying degrees of anticipation and hesitation.

This summer, for me, was one of long days, b!tchy bosses, cute kids, beautiful horses and great friends. Mel and I were able to catch up and really connect on a level that we had not the chance before. Unfortunately she has left us for the frozen north of Lakehead, but I know she will return at some point and I am extreamly greatful for the times we were able to share. (Fishy on Drugs!!!! lol) Jane was an interesting person to work for; definately not an easy one. Luckily we were able to clear our communication lines and actually know what each other was looking for, and by the end of the summer I was able to show her were my strengths lie. I do not think that I would return to Shady Lawn Ranch under her care, but I learned a great many things, about myself, those I worked with, and also how not to treat those working under you. On a happier note though, I was blessed to met and get to know two amazing women, Kelly and Kim. Both are great and unique in their own ways and I could not have made it through the summer without them. Thanks ladies!!

I have lots of pictures to share and will set up the best ones on here when I get the time to scan them and then figure out how to get them up here. Hope everyone elses summer was a great time and hope to talk to all of you soon. Love you all and I am so very happy to be home again!!! *smile*

-Sar

Falling branches

2005-08-05T19:41:00.000-04:00

We had an incident again today; this time it included a large branch falling on a group of campers under my watch. No one was seriously hurt (Thank the Goddess!) but two of my girls were scratched a whole bunch and everyone was scared, including me. I know that there was nothing that could have prodicted what happened, nor could I have done anything to prevent it, but I still feel as though I should have done more. I know that that is silly but still...

Other than that camp seems to be going really well. Jane hasn't been too b@tchy this week (which is a relief) and there is only one more week to go. Next week should be fun, as we have 23 campers and no JCs at all. Well, its just one week right? And after that, Ren. Fair and then HOME!!! Part of me just wants to come home and hole myself up in my house, but that isn't going to happen. Oh well. Is there anyone still interested in going to the Anime Fest in TO the last weekend of Aug.??

So what is the most exciting thing people have done this summer??? Mine would definately have to be the X-fest!

Two weeks to go...

2005-07-29T17:20:00.000-04:00

Well this past week has got to have been the longest of the summer. It was dubbed the "Week of Sickness" after we lost two campers, a junior councelor and an instructor to illness within two days (all different illnesses btw). But we pulled through and only expo left. I also had my biggest level one group (8 kids) and they pulled out the best group of written tests that I have seen all summer! I am so very proud of them. Also Jane has had absolutely no problems with us at all over the past week! That is something to celebrate! She even thanked us for hanging in there. We were all shocked. Jane? Thank you? Wow.

Next week is the "Week that isn't", as we have no overniters, which means actual normal hour shifts. And Kelly is going to give me lessons in the evenings so I can take some tests hopefully that week. And of course I get to ride, which is good enough on its own. I got to ride the new horse, Zorro, yesterday and it was a blast. He was being a pain but it was still so much fun

Oh and I have to tell you about last weekend! Mel, Kelly and I all went to X-fest on Sat, which was a HUGE outdoor concert with 7 stages and 32 bands for 7 hours!! It was so much freakin fun!! Then we went to an afterparty at a bar which was just as fun. I got some great stuff (including an awesome red cowgirl hat!), as well as some stuff for my girls that we have been looking for (HA! now I've got you wondering..) Kelly and I are going back to the bar tomorrow nite. I can't wait! It should be fun, and even if it isn't it involves at least some alcohol, dancing and away from the ranch!

Anyway, my time off is slipping away and I really want a nap, so...hello to all! I miss everyone and....TWO MORE WEEKS!!!! I am already bringing one friend home, now I just have to convince Kel....mwahahaa!

Scheduling is fun!

2005-07-18T19:12:00.000-04:00

So camp is back to life once more. We have about 22 kids this week and, I believe, are full for the rest of the summer. I finally know exactly what is expected of me (until it changes again which Im sure it will) and Kelly, Mel and I have enough schedules to wallpaper Gold Dust (our old cabin). It all seems to be working though. Everything is running smoothly, so far (knock on wood), although I would love for the temperature to drop below 100! And Lassen comes home today!! I haven't seen her yet but am very excited.

Now for a couple of personalized messages, as I never seem to catch people at the weird times I go online:

Chris: I need you to send me the script again to my yahoo account as hotmail is being a ......grrr. So send it to yahoo....Im not going to put it up here, so ask Richard and he will give it to you. As for having lines memorized: I will give it my best try but I have little enough time to sleep and eat around here that I can't promise. Sorry.

Amanda and Joanna: Meet me with the coming of the full moon and keep your hearts open. I will be sending you my love. I miss you both so very much!!!

Sean: Write me!!! I never hear from you!!! grr! :D

Everyone going to GenCom: I hate you all!!!!! Why do I miss all the good stuff!?! Just kidding (kinda) go have fun and tell me all the stories.

Lynzy: I hope you are feeling better! We all miss you and are wishing you well. Let us know what the docs say, okay? Love you girl.

Anyway I need to get moving. Chores wont get done on their own and I wont send Mel to the barn with the kids without back-up! So everyone have fun and I will try to Blog again when I get the chance. Miss everyone and can NOT wait to be back home.

BIG HUGS!!!!

-Sarah

Break week...yeah, right!

2005-07-15T21:52:00.000-04:00

We have all been looking forward to break week with baited breath. A week without campers, without 14 hour days and with as much sleep as we wanted. Sounded fantastic. Our vision of break week didn't include an injured horse that almost didn't make it, a ton of stress and multitude of sickness that has come down to one of our own going home. Yes, thats right kiddies. My break week was hell. Not saying that I didn't do some fun things or that I didn't get at least some sleep caught up, but over all I think I would have rather had another week of camp instead.
Lassen, our sick/injured horse, is pulling through finally; and although she is still at the vet's (Sunday will make it a week there), it sounds as though she will be coming home soon. I have never seen a horse so beat up. She went through a fence and managed to scrape herself all to pieces and hit her head so hard that her brain was swelling. Then we find out that she had some kind of virus that made her go so nuts and was now shutting down her systems one-by-one. Thankfully the vet's have her getting better, and although we wont be doing any vaulting on her any time in the near future, she is coming home where she is very much missed.
Someone else who will be missed is Lynzy. She is leaving us to return home tomorrow. She is really not feeling well and the hospitals here can't/wont do anything. So she is going home to our crappy medical system that is a ton better then here's crappy medical system. We are going to miss her like crazy and are all worried about her.

Anyway that is the first edition of break week craziness. There is more to come but my pizza is now done and food, I am told, is a good thing. I will finish later. See ya

From the land of heat, horses and too many kids!

2005-07-05T18:28:00.000-04:00

Hey ya'll!! How's everyone's summer been? Here I thought I would have lots of time to blog and keep you all up to date on everything that goes on down here in beautiful ol' California. Boy, was I wrong. I have never been so tired for so long as I am here. Our day begins between 530 and 630am and then runs until 930 or so at nite. Every day. I do have a few hours off in the afternoons most days but I tend to crash. The heat is increadible, although I hear that it is not much worse then it is at home of late. Each day can range between 85 (which is nice) and 105 (which is crazy!). The nice thing is that it is a dry heat so just walking into the shade does drop the temp by about 10 degrees...which help a bit some days but still....

Now I have told you most of what is nuts around here and most of you are prolly thinking "Wow. She's prolly wishing she didn't go now!" but that is not at all true. This has been such an experience. I am learning as much as I can, both about myself and the people I am working with; and the horses and children that I am responsible for. There are so many things that I thought I knew that was just the skim off the barrel, but there are also others that this experience has shown me that I knew more then I thought I did. I know how to handle children. I am a capeable teacher. I can get them to do what I want them to, and also have fun in the prossess. My schooling wasn't a complete waste!! lol As for horses...I know jack sh*t. Which shouldn't come as too much of a suprise as I have had as much experience as most of the other staff here (besides Mel) have in their little fingers! I have wanted a horse since I was a small child. I have always dreamed of working on a ranch. I have rode whenever I get the chance and never bawlked at an opportunity to do anything to do with horses. But wanting and dreaming dont make actual experience and I am learning fast how to ask questions. I still don't get to ride as much as I was hoping (only about 3 times a week. What can I say...Im greedy! *smile*) but there is so much that I am learning both that I knew before from hearing talk or books and also things that I never even would have thought of!

Next week is our break week. A whole week without campers!! We have a trip to Yosemitie National Park planned for a 2 hour (cruise? lol) horse trail through the park. It is suppost to be beautiful and I will be sure to take a camera along! The best thing about next week will be being able to re-charge before the last four weeks of camp. Bliss.

I miss everyone and a part of me is really homesick and wants to come home. Some days that part gets bigger but for the most part I am enjoying my time. Jane (my boss) has already asked if I am coming back next year.....Huzzah!! I will try to write more but I can't promise. I miss and love you all.

Horsey,horsey,horsey,horsey...

2005-06-08T08:22:00.000-04:00

Thats for Trev, Richard and Paul...lol

Wow its been a while since I posted...sorry guys. Not a whole lot has happened though. The house is pretty much set up...a few messy spots but nothing I can do about that right now. And my garden is growing!!! I am so glad that everything started coming up before I left...I love watching things grow. I just wish the windsor heat wouldn't be so daunting. We could definately use a little rain.....

So I leave for Cali Sat morning. I can't believe this month has gone by so fast! Jay, the angel, is driving me to the Detroit airport early, early sat morning so I dont have to take a cab, and even Richard is talking about coming along for the ride. So I should be able to get to Sacrimento (spelling??).....now if only I knew for sure that Jane (my boss) will have someone there to pick me up! *sigh* The summer of adventures is about to begin.

I'll definately try to keep this thing more up to date when I am away. I technically have the afternoons off, since I am the morning councellor, and they have internet access so it should be too hard. And then before you know it, the summer will be over and I'll be back home, ready to start yet another school year. Hopefully as a DRED....*sigh*

I'll try not to get too burnt before I write here again! lol Have a fantastic summer everyone!!!

Hugs

2005-05-03T08:16:00.000-04:00

So I am moved. Blah. Moving has always been a chore, no matter how many times I've done it, but this time it just seems completely....I dont know...lacking in anything fun. Too stressful. Too messy. Too tiring. And too many changes. Blah. I dont know what's wrong with me. As long as I am cleaning or re-arranging I'm okay, I guess, but as soon as I sit down and start thinking.....I cant cry. I dont know for sure that I want to, but I know I cant. I have a black hole that is following me around wherever I go, just waiting to swollow me. Just keep busy. Blah.

I'm sorry. Trying to spew some thoughts with the hopes of venting out someting, but apparently I cant really even do that. Not everything is bad. Had a fantastic Beltene. Had a pretty good visit with my family. And looking forward to the Watermelon Party on Thurs.

.....

I dont know what else to write...blah.

Why not....

2005-04-12T10:37:00.000-04:00

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU
Hair
Eyes
Arms

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
Sar
Cougar
Momma Bear

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
Cora
Lilith Armanda
???

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
Creativity
Loyalty
Sense of fun

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
Procrastination
Lack of spelling skills
Poor memory

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
german
english
canadian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
Being alone
Letting people down
Not being who I think I am

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
Sleep
Food
Love

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
ring from Patrick
Wiccan ring
My chain

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment)
Bryan Adams
Green Day
Madonna

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment)
Nothing to Lose
Toy Soldiers
Livin’ on a Prayer

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
Being completely happy
Herbology
Meditation

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Good Communication
Understanding
Love

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
Summer is my favourite season
I desperately want a puppy
I love Strawberry icecream

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
Reading
Painting Miniatures
Crafts

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
Be done with school
Sign my lease
Have a nap

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
Teacher
Therapist for Children
Run a coffee house

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
Scotland
Egypt
Rome

THREE KID'S NAMES
Lilith
Tristan
Skylar

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Watch my children grow
Own a horse
Know true happiness

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
I’m protective
I have a quick temper
I’m stubborn

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
I can be hurt easily
I worry too much
I love taking care of people

Random Bits of Learning

2005-03-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

It has been way too long since I last posted, so I thought I should. A lot has been going on lately but since everyone is being so sensitive about everything that is said, I dont really want to go into it. Instead I think I will pass on a couple of learned information that I have found interesting or helpful as of late. If anyone has anything to add...please do so.

-the internet doesn't need a reason to screw-up whenever it feels like it; especially when it will piss you off the most.

-people will always laugh at what they dont understand

-I actually CAN look good in glasses!!

-a movie on quantum physics is actually interesting...as long as you head doesn't explode first

-sometimes people will ignore everything that you say to them; so either walk away or learn to work around them

-the assumptions that people make can hurt...but they are only assumptions and not truth

-Profs can be assholes too...just ignore them

-there is such a thing as too many brownies in a blizzard

-white can be just as sexy as black

-the secret to flight is to fall without hitting the ground

-animals always know what is going on...even if they don't realize it

-and a cement truck will explode if you fill it with 8 tons of commercial grade explosives....and makes a GREAT little magic trick

So yeah...there you go. Some random thoughts. Anything anyone wants to add??

Some people...

2005-02-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

I have learned something tonite: Sometimes people, even those in my life or in the lives of those I love, are not worth my time and energy. This is a sad lesson for me, simply because I believe everyone deserves a chance (and prolly more than one). This person baffles me. I have tried very hard to be as friendly and open as possible and yet I continue to get slapped down. He once invoked fear in me, now it is just anger. I hate being stepped on and watching those around me that I care about being trampled. I will not take it laying down anymore.

Having said that, I know that this person is important to someone that I charish, thus I will continue to be pleasent and respectful. I am still open to friendship if they are willing to take a step forward themselves, but I will no longer be stepped on nor watch it happen to those around me. I am feeling more and more like myself lately, and that means that I am me, both for good and bad.

So...News from Home

2005-02-01T08:18:00.000-05:00

So my Kid brother is in the hospital. Thats a nice way to start off the day.... he screwed up his knee real good yesterday and had to go in for major knee surgery last nite. So now he is in a cast for 4-6 weeks and then will have to start rehab. What is with our family and knees?! Is it a gentic defect or something? sheesh. Anyway, Matt should be out of the hospital tomorrow. And than begins the painful recovery part. The best of luck Kiddo.

My wings are drying....

2005-01-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

So things have been interesting lately. Both Richard and I are stressed out right now, so we are kinda on edge with each other. I am getting a bit better (once this stupid project is in I can take a breath again) but it doesn't seem like I can do much for him. I also know that I'm just adding to the stress by both looking to him for support as well as putting pressure on him for what we can do come April. I hate doing it, but really don't know what else to do. Most of weither or not we can live together come April is on his plate. Its an awful lot of pressure and weight on his shoulders and I don't know how to help take some off. He is planning a trip or two out of this town, which will hopefully put more of a spring back in his step. I hope.

This at home seem to be up in arms again, which isn't good. All of this research that I have been doing for my project has given me a different outlook on my brother's attitude, but it still hasn't given me anything that will fix it. Saying that, it has also shed a lot of light on my own attitudes towards things. It's not the most comfortable feeling putting yourself under a mircoscope, especially when you do finally see things and then don't know how to change them or even if you should.

On a happier note, the club is finally becoming fun for me again, now that it isn't putting so much pressure on me. Gaming also looks like it is turning around. A couple of things have happened recently that has put RPGing in not the best light and has given me a slightly different view of certain people (for both good and bad). However, I still want to have fun with gaming and it looks like I will et the chance. I'm currently playing an Exalt who is insane and am creating a slayer character for Drew's Buffy game. funfun

My Mommy is coming down this weekend, along with Sean, Matt and his girl, Ashley. I'm excited and also a bit aprehensive. Mom has been putting a bunch of pressure on me about living arrangements for next year (which I don't like) and now with Matt acting up again....I hope we can all just have some fun.

I would like to start doing more things with everyone again. I'm not completely back to my social self (nor are those who I want to spend time with) but I'll try if you do.....what do you say??

2005-01-10T23:54:00.000-05:00

Why does everything have to happen all at once? It seems as though everytime things start to look up, something else goes wrong and I can't stand it anymore. I was so happy for two weeks after christmas...I slept well, ate well and didn't stop smiling. The last couple of days I have felt like crap....I'm over a week late (took a preg. test today that came up negitive but still), worried about living arrangements for next year, just starting back into school, and now Sean has to go in for surgery!! I know that there is a 90% chance that he will be fine, but still, aaaahhhh!! I can't decide if I want to run around screaming or just curl up and cry. I just want to be happy and for those I love to be happy as well. Blah.

RPG Life Rules

2005-01-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

Got this from Lynz and thought it was great. I know most of you have prolly already read it but oh well....here goes:

remember kids, plan b always involves setting something on fire!

-If an NPC's name starts with the letter V or an X, they're evil, just stab them in the face and do the world a favor.

-Never underestimate a Kobold.

- Always make it very clear when you are saying an OOC joke about an IC situation, you never know when the DM will take you seriously and force you to actually kick that demi-god of complete and utter destruction in the groin...

If it's not locked, it's trapped.

Adventurers will take anything that's not bolted down.

Always have Feather Fall memorized.

If it is pink and smells like Peptobismal its probably a healing potion.

If it is green and smells putrid it is probably a poison.

If it is made of obsidian and engraved with red glowing runes, it is probably evil.

If it is magical and two-handed, it is cursed.

If the portal is in a temple where evil clerics reside, you probably don't want to go into the portal.

Always pack an extra set of clothes and two extra bow strings. The bow strings are obvious, the clothes depend on the DM.

Arrows do get heavy when you buy 20 quivers.

Horses don't eat iron rations, and if they do they eat a lot more than a gnome.

If you need the bard to negotiate for you to buy and sell goods, stop calling him a pansy.

-If a hooded stranger gives you 2000gp to sign a blank piece of paper, chances are that you've just sold your soul to a devil (or to Amanda, she collects souls you know)

-The man in a funny robe(whom you've just robbed) isn't muttering to himself...he's casting a spell to destroy you...

-Taverns always contain a notice board where you can find wanted ads for adventurers of your your level

If the DM is hiding the monster mini behind his screen "as a suprise", your PC is going to die.

Whenever the words "I've counted, he's out of ammo!" are spoken, the weapon in question has at least 1 shot left.

-If there's treasure out in the open for everyone to see, its either cursed or a pit trap.

If it's not identified, don't use it

Never anger a hermit or other type of harmless old being

No Matter what Never say " I have XXX HP i can take it" Within 5 minuets you will be rolling up a new character with more HP then XXX so next time you can take it.

-No matter what, the DM is always right. If he ever has to prove this, he's also going to be an ass, especially if he wasn't before.

-The DM can never plan for everything.

-If you assume a potion is of a certain type based on the color, the DM can (and more than likely will) change what colors mean what.

-You can lead a player to roleplaying, but you can't force him to be in character.

-When in doubt, rip something off. Try for something the players haven't seen; that way, you'll seem creative, and they'll never know.

Never anger a solar at mid level.

don't be intimidated by a dire footstool. It's only a 2HD creature.

Always Disbelive the Illusion

Take ranks in perform (mime) because when the party cleric gets annoyed at you not shutting up you'll want to be prepared for that eventual silence spell!

Whenever you say "Bring 'em on, I can take it!" The DM just confirmed a critical and you're now at -9 hp.

The DM usually doesn't like it when you are discussing the best way to pick-pocket the NPC's that are supposed to be leading you on your quest.

- When in doubt, silence yourself and tackle the evil wizard.

A sledgehammer, time and a determined barbarian can get through most dungeon walls, not to mention the doors.

touching someones dice without permission is a good way to become an amputee

no matter how hard you throw your dice across the room in frustration after a failed roll, the result is only lost dice.

if you want to see if an item is magical, put it on a halfling

The ultimate in laziness

2004-12-30T07:16:00.000-05:00

I love this!!! Laying in bed playing on my new computer! It's so lazy and its great!
Anyway, I though I had better write now that I have no excuse not to. Got a brandnew coat for christmas and it is so beautiful! Also got a Kareokee machine, which we re going to try out tomorrow nite. This year has flown by; I can't believe that tomorrow is New Years Eve. Richard and I have been together for 10 months! It doesn't feel that long. Thinking about it I kinda have a scared little feeling in the pit of my stomache; not that I am not happy with Richard, because I very much am! I just hope that the decisions that I made this past year were the right ones. I know that there is nothing I can do to go back and change anything if I wanted to. I guess this all came to a bit of a head when I got some not so good news about next year. I don't know. And I think I never will, so I need to stop living in the past and move forward. I just extreamly hope that I don't lose anyone important along the way.

Sorry. I guess this post got a bit depressing. Another thing about posting in bed before the sun comes up; I tend to just start writing and things come out. Oh well, thats kindawhat these things are for I guess, right?

Merry Christmas

2004-12-25T14:53:00.000-05:00

YEAH! Christmas!!!

Got some really fun things, so we have no excuse for crappy parties now!!! *wink*
Hope everyone got everything that they wanted, and maybe somethings that they didn't dream of!

Tis' the season...

2004-12-23T18:55:00.000-05:00

So I know I haven't written for a while, but I also haven't been near a computer without 10 thousand things to do. Now I'm at home in Peterborough and finally have some free time.

One thing to say about today: Christmas shopping with Sean is FUN!! lol He, of course, decided that leaving all his shopping until two days before christmas was the best way to shop this year. Now he is complaining that he has no idea what to buy anyone!!! I just laugh and try to make the car slide all over the road. (Why? Because it's fun!) It's nice to be home again. I normally have such a hard time leaving Windsor that it isn't until I'm here for a couple of days that I start really enjoying myself. This time was so much better though. Still miss people at home in Windsor but loving the time here, too. I guess there is just too much going on there.

Speaking of which I need to vent a bit. Why do I feel like I'm both back in high school and also way older than I am at the same time?! It sucks. I'm frustrated with the bickering and want to have more fun. Is this really too much to ask?!? The parties we have had lately (not that they have been many) have sucked overall and we never DO anything anymore. I don't just mean going out drinking or to the bars; that is fun yes, but anything else would be good too. Any ideas?

I am also scared. I want to fix what is wrong with my life (aka: school, not seeing Patrick or Lynz nearly enough, etc) but really don't know how. Patrick is so busy with work and such; that and we have always had schedules that miss. That and sometimes I'm still a bit uncomfortable around him; not wanting to hurt him and yet feeling like he wants much more than I can give right now. Lynz is a different story. I am so happy for her and Kevin; they do look very happy together. I am worried that she has chosen now to change her life-style, because, yes, it does look like she is doing it him and I'm not the only one who thinks that. As for the gossip tree that sprouts around here, you will be part of it girl. Remember you used to be one of it's roots, so you can't run now. As for me, I just want you happy. Not a forced happy; not a fake happy; not a "Im going to do this to make him happy" happy; a REAL happy. Now I am not saying that you are doing any of these, so please don't take it like that. Anyway, I want to talk about this with you in person so I'm going to drop it there. Just know that I love you girl.

Okay, sorry, got a bit caught up in that there. *shake*

Anyway, I'm getting called for chili (mmmm...mommy-cooked food....) so I am going to run. Merry Christmas to all, and I want to hear about you best christmas story!!! *smile*

-a very befuddled Sar

Thanks

2004-11-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to send out a big thanks to everyone who came out yesterday for Richard's birthday. I know it really meant a lot to him and I was ecstatic to see him so happy!
And a large and heart-felt round of applause for Lynz, Social Coordinator extraordinar!! You are the bomb girl!!

Have something to say.....

2004-11-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

I know that I haven't written for a long time and I am sorry. It has been a pretty crazy couple of months, between school, work and personal life. Those of you who are around me know and understand, but that is not what i would like to address right now.

A little birdy has been chirping in my ear and I am starting to get sick of the information he has been passing on. There are some of you who will read this that have a problem with the way that Patrick and I act around each other; many think we are too close, others are determined to see us get back together simply so that they can call "I told you so". I know that the relationship between Patrick and I is strange and closer than most normal exs. I will be the first to admit that it can easily give off the wrong impression, however, as I have said continually since February, I am completely up front and honest with both Patrick and Richard, I care about each of them too much not to be. If some of you are still worried than please come and talk to us personally. I don't have a problem with this.

What I do have a problem with is people continually talking about us in an uninformed and rumor-like behaviour. People will talk; I am aware of this, but talk also passes along the grape-vine. Many are worried that I will end up hurting Richard. Those of you who truly know me will know that this is something that I am terrified about. I HATE hurting people, and it angers me when those who would stop me from hurting, end up doing all the hurt themselves. So to those who are still talking about this, please know that you are the ones that are hurting Richard, not me.

Please think about that.

2004-09-03T13:42:00.000-04:00

do-di-do-di-do
So...yeah....I think I may still be a little drunk from last nite so if this makes little sense it's not my fault...blame Lynz! lol
I am so glad that everyone is finally coming back to town and that we are starting see each other again. The summer was long and the bomb that has been building over the past few months has yet to blow. I just want it to blow so that everyone can get back to normal again. blah.
On to happier news....its party time!! P-A-R-T-why? Cause I gotta!! lol Hope to see you all there!
Oh and check out the new club site!! It's awesome!! Big hand for Trevor, web master extrordinare!!!

WHERE IS LYNZY!!!!

2004-08-24T14:06:00.000-04:00

Thats all I want to know.

Comments suck

2004-08-12T13:29:00.000-04:00

So I finally got sick of the new blogger comments and tried to put in haloscan, but because I'm computer illiterate I screwed up and not have no comments. Help anyone? I don't know what I did wrong.

2004-07-26T18:59:00.000-04:00

Nothing mcuh to say...just thought I should up-date this thing.

Here's a question that needs to be debated and one that is giving me issue. Let me know what you think....

So when Sept rolls around I will be in 5 D&D games; three are running weekly and two bi-weekly. I love playing and each game is giving me something different to try, so I really don't want to have to drop out of any of them, however, with the club starting up we are starting to get people who want to join games, but few, if any game places to pass around. Should I drop out of a couple of games to allow room for the new people room to play as well? Or should I not, reasoning that the club gives a place and organization that brings people together to play, but does not guarantee places in current games?

What do you think? Let me know.

On a happier note...

2004-07-17T22:14:00.000-04:00

Sorry everyone. I was just reading over the past few posts and realized how depressing they sounded. So I wanted to write something a little bit happier; just to bring everything back into balance and to stop worrying those of you who may not see me on a regular basis *smile*

Work is going well. I have been kinda upset about it because I am having troubles finding people to make appointments with here in Windsor, however, I must be doing something right because I am still number 5 in the top reps in the office for the summer! I wont complaine *smile*

I've had the house to myself this past week (with Lynz being in Cally and Patrick in the Sault) which has been kinda lonely but at the same time kinda nice, esspecially not that we have enough fans going to bring the temp. down to bareable. *wink*

I thinking that we need to have another party soon. I know that we just had one at Joes (and it was a blast!!) but what about planning a blowout for when everyone is coming home?! That could be a lot of fun and could set the year off with a bang. Any ideas?

For those of you who don't live here in muggy ol' Windsor, just to let you know I am planning on coming back into the Ptbo area in the last week of August. Let me know what your plans are and we will have to get together (that esspecially means YOU Sean and Amanda!!). I will be working as much as I can that week but still want to see each of you, so we should work something out.

Anyway I'm gonna go play with my neopet for a while, so have fun everyone.
Cheers,

-Sar

The Summer Time Blues

2004-07-13T18:58:00.000-04:00

As I was reading everyone's blogs, got to thinking how the dynamics of our group has changed over the past year and I have come to one giant conclusion:

I MISS EVERYONE!!

For a while our group was getting bigger and bigger; meeting Dave and Lisa's friends, than meeting everyone at the other house....but now it seems like we are shrinking again. Now I know that some people are away for the summer and they will come back, but it feels like the relationships between everyone is changing and I don't really like it. I miss having random adventures and last minute parties. I miss girlz nites and movie nites. Heck, I miss having everyone just drop by and do nothing. I miss Lynz and Patrick and Erin and the crazy things we would do. I miss talking with Lisa and Melisa and hanging out. I miss playing D&D with everyone for hours on end. I miss fighting with and staying up late talking with Dan. I wish I got to see Aaron more. And even Trev, Tristan and Amanda, even though we see each other, yet I wish we could do more together. I even miss having Lawrence living with us and the crazy fights and things that we would all do. I just miss my friends.

To everyone, if I see you on a daily basis or not, I love you all and count myself lucky to have you a part of my life. So big hugs to everyone I mentioned and everyone I may have forgotten (sorry). I hope that you are all happy and having a great time doing whatever you do.

I miss you.

School time once more...

2004-07-02T20:33:00.000-04:00

Wow...this summer is going by so quickly. I can't believe that it is half over all ready. And yet September still seems far off. I guess I just don't really want to get back into classes yet; especially not US History but that's just me. :)

The club is coming along quite well and I am excited for it to get really up and running. Its going to take lots of work but I think that it will be worth it and lots of fun. I know I have big plans for this little club and, like normal I am jumping in with both feet but I can't help it, I am so pumped. I keep looking at all these things that are coming up on campus and thinking..."We could do that!" Well, we'll see what happens.

Hope to see everyone at the meeting tomorrow! *smile*

-Sar

GRRRRR!!!

2004-06-22T19:25:00.000-04:00

I think I am most definately missing something to do with this blog thing. Everything is SUPPOST to be so easy and yet I am stupid enough not be able to figure it out.

My latest problem: how do I add people on the member lists so that they can be given access to administration??? I thought I was following all the instrusction but apparently not because it doesn't work!!!

Anyone have any idea what I'm doing wrong?? Please help me! I seriously losing it today.

-a very upset and frazzled Sar

Blessed be Everyone on this Midsummer!

2004-06-21T08:09:00.000-04:00

Just wanting to wish everyone a good Midsummer. Hope your every wish and desire comes true, and happiness and joy fills your heart.
I love and miss you all.
Blessed be.

-Sar

Cutco anyone??

2004-06-07T23:41:00.000-04:00

Well I have new job and I'm kinda excited about it. for those of you who don't know...I'm working for Vector selling Cutco products, and am actually doing not too bad at it. It's been hard getting numbers of people I can call down here in Windsor, but I'm still lugging and enjoying it. I've set goals that I want to reach...ie: make the "Key Staff" team, be one of the ones asked to stay another day at the next confrence (only the top 70 reps get asked), and to hit my next promotion by the confrence. They will each be hard to get but I think I can do it and am trying as hard as I can. So wish me luck! *wink*

Other than that life is going slow but sure. Lynz is leaving soon, which is a real bummer (who is going to plan last-minute-parties or sit around pestering Patrick with me!?!) but I know she is going to have a blast and will be back in Aug.

Summer school is starting soon which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand I am showing Tina how much I DO want to be here and am doing my best to pull up my marks for teachers collage. On the other hand, it's school and this is summer!! Those two aren't suppost to mesh! Oh well, we'll see how that goes.

Oh, one thing that is coming up that I'm excited about is my next trip home; this time will be different as I am planning to visit Eddie in TO for a couple of days, as well as meet Sean, Bryan, Steph and Jamie at the Pride Parade on the weekend!! And on top of all that, if I can convince Aaron to come down with me, we'll get to party in TO!! It should be a blast. And then I have work to keep me busy and out of the house, which is always a good thing. So we'll see how that pans out.

Anyway, that's it for tonite. Everyone sleep tight and watch out for those monster, mutant bed bugs that'll kill you in your sleep.....

...I mean...sweet dreams! *wink* *L*

-Sar

What used to be home

2004-05-30T22:04:00.000-04:00

It has most definately been interesting being back in peterborough this past week. I was so excited to be coming back....enough time to see friends I have been missing....much needed visit with my mom.....and work while I was at it.

Well not everything worked out as well as I had envisioned it.

First of all I didn't get as many presentations as I had hoped, and not nearly as many sales. But I guess that is to be expected. I did make some good cash though, and it seems to be picking up. I just hope that I can keep it up in Windsor.

As for the nice peaceful visit with my family...it's not that easy to do when they are screaming at each other! The attitude that Kid has! Geez! I hope that I was never that bad....I couldn't have been or if I was....I'm surprised that Mom didn't get rid of me early!! Sheesh!! Just being here re-inforces the fact that there is no way I could move back in. I guess this is good in some ways because I don't want to become one of those people who lives with their folks for far too long....but than again I hate leaving Mom with all of this stuff to deal with. I feel so helpless when I'm so far away.The worst thing about being here is that I feel even more helpless when I am here and still can't do anything about it. All the screaming does is scare me and all the situation does is piss me off. Neither is good and neither I have control over which only upsets me more. I'm just glad I'm only here for less than a week.

I also miss everyone at home so much. Today wasn't too bad 'cause I kept busy and got to actually see some of my friends here, but most of the week was horrible! I guess you just get used to people always being there and then when they aren't you miss them ten times more. Well Monday nite is finally right around the bend. I will be so nice to be back home once more.

Alright...I'm going to stop complaining tonite and go wait to get stood up again...what else is new....*sigh*

'till tomorrow all

-Sar

Just for a bit...

2004-05-27T08:22:00.000-04:00

As you may have guessed I am having major difficulties with this thing I call a Blog. So until someone who knows more about programing language than I do (ie: Trevor, Aaron, and anyone else who could HELP) this shall be my template. I know there are problems with it...ie: no links.....but hopfully this is only temperary.

Anyway I will write more later...promise...but right now I should leave my brother alone before he wakes up and kicks my butt for being in his room at 830 in the morning.

Meh.

Big Smiles Everyone!!

-Sar

A dark whole

2004-05-17T12:04:00.000-04:00

The world is spinning and I can't catch up.

Now I don't know if I want to.

I want my bubble back...it was peaceful and safe.
But now it's gone and the real world is too bright.
How can I see the end when I can't see one step in front of me?
How can I see my path when I don't know where it leads?
When I don't know were I am going....

I need a hole
Something dark and secure
Somewhere I can hide
From words
From feeling
From light

I am shrinking
so fast and yet not fast enough
And now I am scared of being squished

Sorry for the Mess

2004-05-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

I am currently trying to figure out what the heck went wrong with my blog and try to fix it. As you can see it's not working very well, so please bare with me. I'll try to get it finished within the next couple of days....as long as it doesn't delete itself on me again!! grrr.....

Have any suggestions? Give me a shout!! PLEASE!! I can use all the help I can get!

-An extreamly frustrated Sar

I am lost

2004-05-11T01:42:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had those moments when nothing feels like it is going the way that you thought it was? That the world is spinning so fast that you are getting left behind? What am I doing? I am always so worried about what other people will think or making other people happy that I think I may have lost myself in the mix. If a friend was in this situation I would tell them to follow their heart 'cause that is always the best thing to follow. The problem here is that my heart is torn and my feelings are so messed up that I have no idea what is true and what isn't.

Now please don't read this and take it as I don't love and care for the people I say I do, 'cause I do; very much so. But that is the problem. I want both to be happy and I can be happy with both...but then I see what this is doing to them and I get increadibly scared. I don't want to hurt anyone and yet I always seem to hurt those I care most about.

I just want everyone to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I just want to disappear. Lose myself in a void somewhere. Or just leave. Yes, it may hurt right now but people would get over it and prolly be better off.

I know how this post prolly sounds but I am not looking for pity or anything like that; I am only getting some stuff off my chest that has been weighing me down for a while.
Sorry if I bothered anyone.

Last Minute Luau!

2004-05-10T10:32:00.000-04:00

Party time is here again!! I warned you we were planning something! *winks and giggles* Lynzy and I had a grand ol' time last nite making our bar not so ugly and I am quite proud of the result. Keep in mind when you see it that it is held together entirely by packing tape and yarn.

So the party is tonite at 9 until whenever. We are going to try something new. If everyone pays a 5$ admission fee, than we can make alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch and snacks that fit the theme. Tell me what you think. This way we are all paying for the refreshments and if you want more than you can bring your own and keep it to yourself. No one will take anyone elses alcohol and we are all happy and having fun. We'll see what happens.

So hope to see you all there tonite with your brightest of brights on!!

Aloha

A Little Bit of Bad.....A Little Bit of Good

2004-05-07T17:47:00.000-04:00

Yeah! It's so nice to have the internet again at my fingertips. I didn't realize how much I use it until we didn't have it. But now all is good and the new place is pulling itself together. I like the lack of space (less area to keep clean!!) although I know now that my lack of actual walls for my room is going to get annoying. Not much in the way of privacy if you know what I mean. Oh well, we'll deal.

Here I would like to appologize for my absence at the last party. I really don't know what the hell happened. One minute I was fine (drunk but fine) and the next I was crawling across the floor to Lawrence's old room. Not planning on doing that again. And I am increadiblty upset that I missed all the games! grr... Oh well..we have another party in the works so just you wait.

Oh and I would also like to remind people that they need to bring their own alcohol to these parties (unless otherwise talked to). Between Lynz and I, we lost about 40+ dollars in alcohol that we didn't even touch and I don't know about you but I sure cannot keep doing that. I will be talking to some people personally about replacing it but just please keep in mind that if you want to drink, bring something to drink. Not that we can't all share...we can...just keep in mind to drink only the amount you have brought. Example a 10$ bottle doesn't magically turn into 2 40s!! So that's my rant about that.

Now for some good news....Frodo is the proud mother of 3 new little babies!! and it looks as though one of them may have black fur!! YAY! We were hoping for some interesting colouring, other than just gray so we will see what happens in a week or so when they get their fur.

Anyway gotta head...Van Helsing is calling me!! *wink*

Later

2004-04-28T14:08:00.000-04:00

I am so bored. I want to write something but don't know what. blah.... Any suggestions?

In Loving Memory of Julius Koegler

2004-04-22T12:52:00.000-04:00

Last nite I recieved the information that my beloved puppy had left us. For all those that knew him, Julie was always an outgoing and loveable pup with big brown puppy-dog eyes and a happy-go-lucky smile that made the people around him happy. I was lucky enough to have Julie a part of my life for 14 years and will cherish every memory. Julius passed away on Tuesday April 13th at the age of 18, while holding Mom's hand and gently smiling, while the snow that he always loved to play in softly fell outside.

We will miss you terribly my Jules; loving you always.

11 days to go...

2004-04-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that April has gone by so fast!! Don't get me wrong, I am SO glad that exams are almost over but I haven't even had time to pack yet and we are moving in less than two weeks!
I have kinda mixed feelings about moving outta this house and into the apartment. This house has a lot of memories, both good and bad although I tend to think that the bad out weigh the good, but still a lot has happened here. But it's time to move on and that makes me excited. New times to be had and a brand new place to decorate. Yay! *smile*
Now if I can only find out a way to get my hammock.......

2004-04-07T11:20:00.000-04:00

I would first like to say that...I very much dislike Tina!!
Let me explain....

Lynz and I are in this Literacy class this year and working together on a workshop that we have created for a multicultural class. First of all, this turned out not to be a class but a club of 50 students between grade 6 and grade 8. Who has EVER had a club in public school that had that many students involved?! And the teacher who was running this thing was of no help to us..."What is the ratio of boys to girls?" "I don't know" "Do you have anything in particular that you would like us to focus on?" "Nope...we do everything" "What kind of materials can we use?" "I don't know" AAHH!! And Tina was no better! First we planned out this great idea of doing a small mock UN, in groups having the students find out only a few things about a country and then work together to find a solution to a global problem that we would raise. But according to Tina that is enough work for a full semester unit; which granted it could be but it didn't have to be. So instead she wanted us to workshop an assembly with the students and then drop the rest of it on the teacher's lap to finish and preform! I don't think so. I know I wouldn't like it if anyone did that to me so I'm not going to do it to anyone else.
So finally we come up with a workshop that Tina approves. Now it's March break and we can't get a hold of our teacher! Finally, after a week we do and she tells us that she needs a copy of the workshop plan to go over with the principal but everything should be okay. Fine. Nope. When we finally get sick of waiting (and by now starting to freak out cause the end of the term is fast approaching) we call her again and she tells us that she had wanted to call a week and a half ago to say that she is too busy so she is going to pass off the plan to the other teacher that works with the club, a Ms Mackenze. However she has forgotten to do either of these things but she "will do it today and have her call you back before friday" This by the way, was last wednesday that we spoke to her.
Friday comes....no call. Monday comes....no call. So Tuesday Lynz calls the school. "No I'm sorry, Ms Arya doesn't work for us anymore and there is no other teacher that has ever worked with the multicultural club before....we have no one that goes by that name at all." WHAT!!! How does two teachers disappear over a weekend!!! So now we are screwed. We have been keeping Tina well informed for the entire fiasco, but now she tells us that we "should have come to her" and that we "could have done more" to prevent this from happening. Okay...did I miss something? Or did we just get screwed and then told it was our fault it happened!!!
Luckily Amanda is a god and was able to get a hold of a teacher she has worked with previous so we are going in tomorrow morning to present our workshop....and then create a presentation of how it went and what our findings were for 2 oclock the same day for Tina's class. Not to mention a 10+ page booklet that is due that day as well! Did I forget to say that Tina freaked out when we said we were going into another classroom? Yeah...appartently she needs to talk to the teacher first and tell her what we are all about. All she said after that was "do whatever...it's your mark." Ouch.
I can still so see both of us getting screwed by this. This is a core class. If we get even a C- we are kicked out of our program no questions asked. Three years down the drain. And if we try to fight the mark we go to the heads of the Drama Dept...guess who is part of that? Tina. And if we do get kicked out we have to wait a year and then re-audition. Guess who runs those? Tina. Not the prof you want to piss off if you are planning on graduating from DRED.
This is the perfect ending to a perfectly crappy term. I'll be lucky if I get any of my credits this term.

So anyway...wish us luck and I'll write again if Tina doesn't manage to totally kill us tomorrow. Maybe only mostly dead. *S* *sigh*

Pure. Simple. Maple.

2004-03-27T14:03:00.000-05:00

Thats all I want to say....
The sweetest things in life are the simplest.

-Sar

And the award goes to...

2004-03-19T13:03:00.000-05:00

TREVOR!!!
For the best random story that includes squirrles! Congrats!
For those of you who haven't checked this out...do so!! It is great!! LOL

-A still giggling Sar

I hate money!!

2004-03-16T11:41:00.000-05:00

Grrr.....Why does everything have to be so freak'n expensive! Like really...what happened to the days when a movie was 5 dollars and people got outraged when gas went above .49. I just don't get it and it is really starting to piss me off. I just want to be able to go out with friends and do things that we enjoy without having to be worried if this one movie means I wont have enough for bills or food.
Give me a break!! Grrr....

Yay to Powerful Monsters!

2004-03-07T20:25:00.000-05:00

I noticed that the last time I wrote I was not in the best of moods so I thought I would write again to change that. You are wondering about the title perhaps? Well....think Dan and Patrick plus a group of increadibly powerful monsters against a group of characters fresh from school, averaging level 5. Yeah...total chaos! Dan was talking last nite about wanting to kill one of the characters today (he didn't care who, although I had my bets on who would die first); he achieved his goal, plus another character and a dire lion (who was supposed to be the Paladin's mount). Oops! And most of us didn't even get treasure out of it!! Grrr....

It was fun but I tend to enjoy a bit more rp-ing and not so much of the hack and slash, even though I am playing a fighter. It should be interesting where this plot takes us, because we really have no idea what is coming up next. Oh well...we'll see what happens.

Live long and fight hard!

2004-03-05T17:44:00.000-05:00

WOW! For those of you who haven't seen "Butterfly Effect" yet...go see it!! It is amazing!! The emotion in it is SO high it is crazy. It really freaked me out; it was so realistic and really made me think about what happens to all of us. Not a movie for those with a weak stomach that is for sure, but a good movie overall.

It really made me think about how much control we really have over our lives. Hind-sight is always 20-20, and I know many times that I have wished I could go back and change something that I did/didn't do. But this movie made me wonder what would happen if I did. Everything happens for a reason, of that I am positive; somedays I guess I just knew what the reason was. If I had the power to go back in time to change something...I don't think I would use it. As much as we worry about how things will end up or whether or not decisions are the right one. I know that is something that I worry about obessively.

But I think if anything I would use the power to see into the future; not only for myself (although I do have a few things that worry me) but more so for the people I care about. I feel so much pain around me right now. It feels like I am swimming through it and the dark just keeps getting closer and swollowing up everyone around me. I feel so lost and helpless. I just wish that I could help more and make everything even a bit better. The dark doesn't have to be so freightening if there is a friendly hand to hold.

I know that I am being the mother hen again but I can't help it. I see someone in pain and I want to fix it. Especially if it they are people that I care deeply about. I am scared of disappointing people nor will I stand by while someone is in need, even if there is nothing I can do to help. I just want everyone to be happy; is that such a terrible thing?

It will come for me too....and I wont be able to stop it.

2004-03-03T21:36:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I last blogged, so I thought I would say something.

The Elmo's went extreamely good this year!! I was so glad that everyone got so dressed up; everyone looked great! I wish I could have taken more pictures, so if anyone has any, can I buy copies off of you? Let me know.

As usual, we did have some melodrama but that always seems to happen, especially at one of the two biggest parties that we hold every year. (Elmos and Hallowe'en for those of you who don't know) However, issues are being handled with and all in all I think it was a nite to remember for a while.

Anyway I have to head for now, but I will write more later. Going to see "Butterfly Effect" finally; hopefully it is as good as everyone has said.

'Til Later

-Sar

ELMO Awards

2004-02-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

Alrighty...The list is in and since I have already heard of a couple of people who didn't get it, I thought that I would put it up here so that you all can see. We NEED to have your nominations in by Thursday (Friday morning at the VERY latest and only if you talk to us first plz.) Also please let us know if you will not be coming on Sunday.

I do not know the exact time as of yet but will get the information up ASAP. Since it will prolly be around supper time (it was last year too) we will be doing the potluck thing. If you don't know what to bring, ask us; if you do kow what you will be bringing please let us know so that we can try not to have 20 bags of chips or whatever.

And for those who do not know yet, there will be prizes for costumes that nite so come dressed-up. It'll be fun!! *S* I think that is it for now but I'll keep you posted if anything else comes up.

So here is the list...it's a long one so have fun!

The you do know this is just a game award
most annoying halflings protrayed live action style
biggest guy who always plays the smallest girl characters
the ruby wang award (ask Amanda)
The green fairy award
The you're not the boss of me award
most experience and items earned by making/buying the Battle DM drinks (ok thats a joke..I want those experience points Dan)
Most useless character
Charater who's recieved the most damage
Character who should've died the most but didn't (also could be called 'luckiest' character)
Character who stuck to their alignment the most
Character who changed their alignment the most
Character who hoarded the most treasure
Funniest death
Most Muchkin-like moment
Worst plan or plan that went the most astray
Favourite NPC
Bad-timing by a character
Best reason for running away by a character
Most heroic deed by a character
Best magical item use by a character
Worst misunderstanding by a character
Top wish by a character
Best use of Intimidation by a character
Ruthless character
Most memorable monster
Most evil act by a DM
Most Lawful, Most Neutral, Most Chaotic, Most good, Most Evil
Gutsiest Move
Best battle tactic
Most ruthless
Best non-combative
Best played alignment
Highest body count
Most diplomatic
Most interesting Character
BEST CHARACTER
Best D&D stories to share over a pint of grog'
Most alcoholic character
Best Comedic relief
Best Plot DM
Best Battle DM
Darwin Award
Murphy's Law Award
Biggest Monkey Wrench award
Dumbest Character
Most useful Character
Most Useless Character
Highest Player Killings (lol)
Crowd Pleaser
Best Reacurring NPC
Best Villian
Funniest Idea by DM
MOst unique idea or situation by DM
Best roleplayed moment by DM
Most Creative Use of Magic by PC
Saddest Moment
Best Motivation given by the DM
Best use of "Creative Combat"
Player who makes the DM scramble for the Player's Manual the Most
DM who makes the Book of Vile Darkness look like something by Dr. Seuss.
Most Creative Grabbing of Other Peoples Ideas or the "Plagerizing Award"
Best Storytelling Moment

Remember to get those nominations in ASAP!! See you all this Sunday!!

-Sar

Home Sweet Home

2004-02-22T15:09:00.000-05:00

Wow is it nice to be home again. I'm always so busy when I come back here but it is SO nice to see everyone and to play with my pup again. Julie has been following me around all day...lol He didn't even go to bed last nite until 1130 'cause I was still up! The poor guy was so tired. I just wish he could come down to meet everyone in Windsor, cause I know how much he loves people. Maybe someday...

Steph came over last nite and when we were talking she brought up an interesting point. I know it was kinda meant as a joke but I seems to be so true. Steph, Sean and I have been friends for years, but it always seems to work out that we are never all happy at once. There is always something going on with at least one of us. Why is that? Why can we not all be happy at one time and have nothing stressful to worry about. Is that too much to ask?

This place brings back a lot of memories. It seems like wherever I go in Ptbo, there is some memory attached to each place. Some good, some not so good.I think that may be one reason that I have a hard time being here for an extended period of time (other than the fact that Mom and I would kill each other if I lived here for too long, that is if Kid and I didn't do it first!) (oh by the way...Kid is my nickname for my kid brother Matt). I often live too much in the past anyway and have a hard time letting sleeping dogs lie, so being here is just too much.

But than not everything about this place is bad; in fact much of it is comforting. It lets me just kinda sit back and take a break from my everyday life. That and I get to see people that are dear to me and who I don't get to see as often as I would like. All and all I'm glad I came home. I know its not for long, but it is enough.

Soon it will be time to head back to Windsor and get ready for life there once more. It should be a hectic week with the Elmos on this Sun, but it will definately be fun! *S* So hugz to everyone and I hope that you are all having a great break.

See you all soon.

-Sar

2004-02-19T02:36:00.000-05:00

Well the confusion is over and now the guilt begins.

I know that I have done what I need to do and that there are sometime that I "need to be selfish", but that will not stop me from feeling the guilt of hurting someone dear to me. Patrick and I are over. It is the best thing for both of us, even if he doesn't see it completely. It is also the best thing for me and what my heart is telling me I need to do. I have to trust it, even if it does hurt me.

I may be a little out of wack for the next few days before I leave for home, but everything happens for a reason and I can only trust to that. I am extreamly sorry....but I need to move on.

I hope that he can understand.

2004-02-18T11:59:00.000-05:00

I so confused!!!

I really don't know what to do, and everything that I envision only turns out bad. Reality sucks. I want to live in a dream world of my own making.

Any suggestions?

Its my Birthday!!!

2004-02-17T16:34:00.000-05:00

YEAH!! I'm 22 today!! Wow that is old! Ah well; everyone has to get old eventually I guess, yet I still don't consider myself an adult in many ways. Is that a good thing?

Well so far it is only 4:40 and I have almost cried twice today. Both good cries though so no worries. It is just this time of year that I like to take the time to see what the past year has brought, and right now I can only see the good things. New friends...new challenges...new outlooks...as well as the continuing of close friendships. Its all good. *S*

Thanks everyone...for everything. I miss those of you that can't be here today; and I'll enjoy the time I spend with those of you that can.

Here's my thought of the day: To find the perfect blossom, you need only open your eyes.

Love and Hugz to all! :x

Death to Valentine's Day

2004-02-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

This past weekend has been a rollar coaster, and I can only see more loops and spirals ahead. I have never really been a huge participant of vanentine's day; I do have a bit of a romantic streak that rears it's ugly head around this time of year but I normally don't go all out. This year I make an exception. I did everything; flowers, teddy bear, rose pedals, candles, and even a new nightgown. Lets just say that it didn't go as according to plan.
Lots of things have been building up between Patrick and I for a long while; ever since summer after 1st year and than the infamous "hallowe'en" it seemed as though we never got a break. Just when we were working through an issue, a new one sprang up and didn't give anytime to complete the one before it. Unfortunately this all came to a head friday nite, during what I was hoping was going to be a very romantic adventure. So steps have been taken. Patrick and I are "stepping back", not breaking up but starting over. He needs to figure out who he is first and I have some issues that I need to work through before we can start to re-build our relationship.
I have to admit that this scares the hell out of me. Patrick is not only my boyfriend of approx. 2years but also one of my closest friends and even the thought of losing any of that throws me into a panic. I think that I know deep down that everything will get better (and I hope they do, 'cause we are moving into an apartment together in May!) but it still scares me.

On top of all of this I have a handful of other things that are worrying me. My friends in high school used to tease me a bout being the "mother hen" and I guess nothing has changed. I just want everyone to be as happy as possible and will not take 'no' for an answer.

So for those of you that I see on a day-to-day basis, if I seem a bit out of it, now you know why. I will try not to drag any of this into other things but I cannot promise anything. Maybe I should just appologize now, just in case. *S*

2004-02-13T12:09:00.000-05:00

Well...another day...another new question...what else is new...oh well I quess that the only way we keep things interesting is by questioning what we see around us, otherwise life wouldn't be all that fun.

Why is it that I always have so many things that I want to write about on here when the computer is not on or when I'm not near it but as soon as I sit down with the post box in front of me I can never think of anything to say!! It is getting really annoying. Maybe I should start carrying a little book around with me so I can write ideas in it when I think of them....oh no!! I'm becoming Patrick-ized!! Not happening...it's not happening!! No to the book! Blah.

On a happier note I have finally been able to talk to the people that I wanted to and it seems (hopefully) that things are starting to head back up. I really don't like things hanging over my head like that...makes me more than a little jumpy. But I hope that everything is back in order...as much as it can be with me completely confused, but that is nothing new. One of the many problems that crop up when you jump into everything head first.

I do have to say though that trying to expand my group of friends has eased a lot of tension in my mind that I didn't even know was there. I love being with people, especially in a crowd of friends. I always have. And I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the friends I have now; quite on the contrary actually. I would be lost without most of them. It seems though that, especially Patrick and Lynz, and even Erin and Weaver have become more like family than friends and I love each of them tremenously. I guess thats what happens when you are around people so much. I'm just glad that they haven't gotten sick of me yet! lol *S* But now that I am hopefully slowly expanding that group, so many more people have come into my life and I am loving every minute of it! So I guess all of this is coming down to a great big thank you to Amanda, Richard, Tony, Dave, Trevor and even Joanna. You may not think you have done much but believe me you have.
Thank you all.

And than, while I am on my mushy streak, I would like to give a big hug to everyone at home (and yes Sean and Manda that means you too *S*). I miss you all so much and I love hearing from all of you and knowing that I can still be apart of your lives even with so much geography between us.

A great big "Huzzah!" to Steph and her new girlfriend!! I am SO very happy for the both of you; you deserve it so much girl! And don't worry too much about what people say...it is how you believe in yourself that matters and what makes you happy is your decision, not anyone elses. Big hugz!

Manda...what can I say...have fun girl, like I know you will. Party on!! lol

Eddie deserves a "break a leg" in your upcoming play. I'm sorry...I forget the name of it! lol But I am sure that you will be amazing and I will be there front row to see it!! See you soon.

And finally to Sean, my bestest buddy. I know sometimes that things can look dark but it is only in the darkness that you can see the light clearly; Or to borrow Lynz's phrase "to get a rainbow you first need to put up with a little rain." Things will work out for you, I have no doupt of that. And I will be here anytime, day or nite if you need me. Love you to bits hun.

Well I guess that that is enough from me for right now. Maybe a little sleep will kick out the mush. lol Anyway, everyone have a fantastic Friday the 13th and if you see a black cat, make sure you go up to say hi!

*blows kisses all around*

-Sar

Oh by the way, Bean says Hi to everyone. He is busy playing on the Pirate ship right now.

The Wings I was Given

2004-02-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

YEAH FOR CAKE DAY!!!

2004-02-11T14:34:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BITHDAY DEAR PATRICK....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

Now you are even older than the rest of us!!! LOL But we still love you hun! *kiss*

On other news...NEW FOAMY TOMORROW!!! Yeah for Foamy!!

Anyway I have to go finish making the cake but later all....

-excited but perfectionism is setting in....

2004-02-10T17:29:00.000-05:00

Man I LOVE quizes!!!

hehehe...
Quizes have to be one of the best ways to waste your time! I mean who comes up with this stuff?!? So far today I have learned that I would be a pixie, Nemo, Merry, caramel, Selene (from Underworld), an artistic fariy, long island ice tea, with a red heart and a green cloak who is supposed to marry Frodo (don't worry Lynz I'm backing away real slow like...). lol Wow I have too much time on my hands!!

If there is anyone out there that likes quizes as much as me or is just bored...check out quizilla! I put a link on the side so you can find it easier. It is so much fun! They have absolutely everything and even things that you would never think of. Check it out.

-Crazy, Bored Girl

2004-02-10T17:17:00.000-05:00

Congratulations! You're Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-02-10T00:20:00.000-05:00

Okay...So I guess this thing is going around so I figured I had better do it. And this way those of you who don't like these things don't have to delete it from their inbox.

So for your viewing pleasure: all about me....

1. What is your full Name: Sarah Jane Koegler (but only 2 people can call me that so the rest of you are taking your life into your hands if you try it. Just a warning...)

2. What color pants are you wearing right now? Brown

3. What are you listening to right now: Patrick and Lynz laughing at Lion King 1 1/2

4. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number: 62

5. What was the last thing you ate: ice cream!!! yeah for ice cream

6. If you where a crayon what color would you be? I would hope red, but purple would do also...

7. How is the weather right now? I would tell you if I had stepped outside at all today but...meh!

8. Last person you talked to on the phone: Joanna...freaking about school...again...

9. First thing you notice about the opposite sex: definately eyes and smile...than hair...

10. Do you like the person who sent this to you: I live with her...I better like her....*S*

11. How are you today? kinda tired but content

12. Favorite Drink: ice cold 2% milk

13. Favorite Alcoholic drink: I don't know if I have one as of yet.....unless you count coffee with Baileys

14. Favorite Sports: figure skating...and yes it IS a sport!!

15. Hair color? Redish blond...for now

16. Eye color: bluey-greeny-orange (and no, I'm not making it up)

18. Siblings: younger brother Matthew

19. Favorite month: I guess a flip between Feb and Oct

20. Favorite Food: seafood

21. Last Movie you watched? Lion King 1 1/2, than American Beauty, than From Hell...tonight anyway ;)

22. Favorite Day of the Year: Hallowe'en of course!!

23. Are you too shy to ask someone out? I don't know...depends I guess

24. Summer or Winter? Summer if it's here....or a 'normal' winter

25. Hugs or Kisses? both

26. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate

27. Do you want your friends to write back? of course I do but I doupt many will....hint hint...

28. Who is most likely to respond: Steph

29. Who is least likely to respond: Eddie, cause he hates these things

30. Living Arrangements: With Lynz, Mikey and Laurie

31. What books are you reading: Enchanters' End Game...although I should prolly pick up some school books eventually...

32. What's on your mouse pad? what mouse pad?!

33. Favorite Board game: Scene It?, Twister (which no one will let me play anymore...thanks Sean!), and many forms of cards, including Thumb Master

34. What did you do last night? Movie marathon with Richard (yes I know more movies but shoot me)

35. Favorite Smells: Mint, fresh bread, a new book

36. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Unfortunately no...

37. New Year's Resolution: To have a good Hallowe'en this year....

So there you go...any more questions I should be answering while I'm at it?

By the way...does anyone know how to get my time to work properly on this thing?! It's getting really annoying....it's actually 1240 am.

-Sar (Cora)

2004-02-09T17:20:00.000-05:00

Things are not always as they seem

In the past week or so there have been a bit of gossip curculating that I would like to address.

Let me first say that I am not against gossip; in fact I love to hear gossip as much as the next person but there comes a time when those gossiping should get their facts straight. Let me also remind people that if someone has a problem or a concern regarding me or my actions, I cannot explain anything if those people do not come to me personally. I will worry if someone doesn't seem right around me or if I hear that people have been spreading things about me or any friends of mine but I can't DO anything unless I am approached. And please don't be afraid to do so...it can only make things better because rumors will then be exchanged for fact.

Let me say now that I do not want to hurt ANYONE. If you truely know me you would know that I hate hurting people and will try everything not to do so. I will make mistakes and sometimes my judgement is not completely sound but I will never intentionally hurt someone unless I have an extreamly good reason for it, and even that is pushing it.

So please all that I ask is that you come and talk to me if you have an issue or a concern. I will not bite and I do promise to listen. I can't change things if I don't know about them. Please.

-Concerned and worried

2004-02-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

Hey guys.
Just wanted to say hi since I have't been on the net for the past few days. (stupid internet) Anyway....yeah.

2004-02-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

In honour of the mushiest day of the year.....
(Unfortunately I can't take credit for this one...it's all Sheena)
Enjoy!! *S*

"Fuck Valentine's Day"

Hearts, roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove something up Cupid's cute little ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear black for the rest of the week.
Guys and Girls act all sweet, but soon it will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Cause I think this love thing is a crock of shit.
So, here's my story... what else can I say?
Love, bite my ass...

"Fuck Valentines Day!! "