What is a friend?

I have had a pretty good reason to analyze this question a lot lately.

What makes a good friend?
What do you expect from a friend?
And do you follow those expectations yourself?

A bunch of different situations over the past year have made me really question who my true friends are and who are simply the people I hang out with. This has been a hard distinction for me to make, simply because I have always put a lot of weight on friendship.

My close friends are my family. In many cases, they are closer to me then members of my biological family. I give unconditional love to my close friends and I know that I expect the same. I stand by these people through anything and everything, if I agree or not. Although, if I dont agree, I will say something. (Right, Steph?) Some people can handle this and some cant.

I expect only what I give.

Actually most times I expect a lot less then I give.

I will bend over backwards for a friend. I often times (too often for my own good according to my therapist) put their needs and wants ahead of my own. And I dont expect them to do the same.

Some of these things have to change. Others will stay the same.

So what should I expect?

I will expect my friends to be there for me.
I will expect them to be truthful and honest to me.
I will expect disagreements to happen, but will also expect mature reactions and solutions.
I will expect them to put in effort to spend time with me.
I will expect to cry, laugh, sing, dance, have fun and be bored with my friends.
I will see them through their worst nightmare and they will see me through mine.
I wont have to talk to them everyday to know that they are there.
I will trust them with my life, soul, reputation and even my secrets.

This is what I expect from a true friend. And what I will expect of myself to give to a true friend.

Not everyone will be a true friend. Some people are just fun to have a drink with. Others have great stories to listen too. And there will even be those whose only purpose is to teach you lessons through their own mistakes.

A true friend is not something that you find everyday and I am extremely lucky to have the ones I do in my life. We have been through shit. We have seen each others at a worst. We have yelled and screamed and cried and threatened. But we have also laughed. A lot.

To those of you in my life that I would trust with my life, and you know who you are; Thank you. With all of my heart.

I would like to say something on the topic of problem solving skills.

Find one that works.

Dont simply ignore the problem...it wont go away, it will only fester.

Problems are like bombs. If you dont defuse them and find a way to neutralize them, they can and will explode. It may not be today or tomorrow or next week, but it will happen. And then you may lose something very dear to you in the blast.

PS: Before anyone gets their nose out of joint...this is a personal lesson that I am sharing. It is not directed at anyone.