Life lately has been so increadibly stress-filled and I often feel as though I have no control over what is happening. I try very hard to take only one day at a time, yet lately this is getting harder and harder. I also feel as though nothing I am doing is worth anything or is enough.
So here is my list as it stands. Some of the items may seem strange or you may not understand. I am here if you would like explinations or whatever.
I am grateful for:
- My Mommy, also my best friend and one of the strongest people I know; someone I can always count on and who knows me better then I know myself some days.
- My Nanny and Poppa Scott, who have always been there to help, even when I didnt want to ask for it.
- My sisters, Saturnine and Gypsy, who have seen me at my worst and yet still love me.
- Richard, whom I have hurt so much, yet is still loving and willing to let me make it up; he is my rock and THE stongest and most forgiving person I have ever known; the one who finally made me believe that love can truly overcome all.
- Another chance with my Koegler grandparents and aunt.
- The short letter and pictures I was sent by the half-sister I dont know.
- Those professors who never gave up on me and who have helped me through my long term at the U.
- My inner strength, which will only let me break down for so long before moving me forward
- My long-lost friends; no matter how scattered we are, our love and friendship is true.
- My health, no matter how crappy it may be, I can still enjoy the world around me.
- Mother Nature, for smiling down and all around me; for protecting and teaching, and for always, always loving.
- Finally, hopefully finding a group I can share with and grow with and learn with
The world can get pretty crappy and scary; it is nice to remember that not everything is uncertain. I am learning, slowly, that just because someone else may have gone through worse, it does not mean that your sufferring is not less valid. And there are people who care.
