Brave only when there is disaster?

So I watched "World Trade Center" last nite and I have to say that I was pretty impressed. It made the experience horrific on both a public and personal level. The sight of wounded men being helped out in stretchers by hundreds of people was both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
It did make me question one thing though. Why does something on the scale of the World Trade Center being attacked have to happen in order to bring people together? Yes, this incident showed that there is still good people in this world who are capable of helping simply because they are needed and it is the right thing to do. Well, they are still needed. There are a multitude of problems around the world that desperately need the help of good people, so why are they being ignored?! Apparently we need to hit these people in the face in order for them to step up to the plate. And that is sad.

On a side note: The movie was almost killed for me when a marine says the line: "They are going to need good men out there to avenge this" *sigh* Yes, lets go and do the same thing that they did to us, but to a greater scale. That will fix things!! *shakes head with disgust*

A New Place

So we are all moved in, and the place is finally looking like a home rather then a storage unit. I really like the way things are going and am starting to relax into another new house. Thanx to all who helped us move on the day of craziness. We really couldnt have done it without you! We will be having multiple gatherings I am sure, as the back yard is perfect for them.
Thats about it for now I guess. Just wanted to update. Not that anyone reads blogs anymore! lol

Things happen for a reason

Well April has finally arrived and I am finally starting to feel a bit more stable in my life.

I got wait listed for teachers collage, which sucks but with the double cohort graduating I guess the spots filled up pretty quickly. I am going to go and talk to the admissions in the Education department here and find out where I need to improve in my application. And then use the next year doing so. I also plan on going back part-time next year (although still graduating in June) to upgrade. Give them no reason not to get me in next year.

I have a place to live, and one that I can afford. Richard, John Lyle and I are all moving into a big two bedroom apt on Crawford. The place is beautiful, huge and cheap. Oh and I will have a backyard again!! One of the first things I will be doing is putting in a garden that I will actually be able to enjoy this year!

Things with Richard and I are going well. One step at a time.

My life otherwise has been pretty lonely. Dont get me wrong I love my friends, but it sucks that they are all in other towns. I miss Amanda. I think that perhaps it is best for both of us that things were broken off (neither of us were happy), but I wish that things had of been handled more maturely. I am not angry anymore nor really hurt. I just simply miss a friend that I had considered a sister. Neither of us have so many friends to throw away those close to us. But at the same time, if neither of us were happy or felt comfortable with the other person anymore....I dont know if much could have been done to save the friendship we had let fall apart. I do miss my sister though.

But everything happens for a reason.

Perhaps not getting into teachers collage this year is a blessing in disguise; Richard may be done by the time I get out of teachers collage now and we can move together to London.

Moving in with John and Richard will give Richard and I time to adjust again and give us the chance to really work on seeing if we can get back together.

And things with Amanda have forced me to take stock on all of my friendships and decide what I feel is important for a friendship to have. It has forced me to draw the line between what I am willing to give to another person and what I need for myself.

So, Mom was right. Everything does happen for a reason and the only thing I can do is try to learn the lessons as they fly by and treat others as I would like them to treat me. Everyone makes mistakes but you need to learn to forgive yourself and only take the blame for what you have actually done wrong. It sucks sometimes but life moves on and you can either sit and cry or get off your ass and move along with it.

What is a friend?

I have had a pretty good reason to analyze this question a lot lately.

What makes a good friend?
What do you expect from a friend?
And do you follow those expectations yourself?

A bunch of different situations over the past year have made me really question who my true friends are and who are simply the people I hang out with. This has been a hard distinction for me to make, simply because I have always put a lot of weight on friendship.

My close friends are my family. In many cases, they are closer to me then members of my biological family. I give unconditional love to my close friends and I know that I expect the same. I stand by these people through anything and everything, if I agree or not. Although, if I dont agree, I will say something. (Right, Steph?) Some people can handle this and some cant.

I expect only what I give.

Actually most times I expect a lot less then I give.

I will bend over backwards for a friend. I often times (too often for my own good according to my therapist) put their needs and wants ahead of my own. And I dont expect them to do the same.

Some of these things have to change. Others will stay the same.

So what should I expect?

I will expect my friends to be there for me.
I will expect them to be truthful and honest to me.
I will expect disagreements to happen, but will also expect mature reactions and solutions.
I will expect them to put in effort to spend time with me.
I will expect to cry, laugh, sing, dance, have fun and be bored with my friends.
I will see them through their worst nightmare and they will see me through mine.
I wont have to talk to them everyday to know that they are there.
I will trust them with my life, soul, reputation and even my secrets.

This is what I expect from a true friend. And what I will expect of myself to give to a true friend.

Not everyone will be a true friend. Some people are just fun to have a drink with. Others have great stories to listen too. And there will even be those whose only purpose is to teach you lessons through their own mistakes.

A true friend is not something that you find everyday and I am extremely lucky to have the ones I do in my life. We have been through shit. We have seen each others at a worst. We have yelled and screamed and cried and threatened. But we have also laughed. A lot.

To those of you in my life that I would trust with my life, and you know who you are; Thank you. With all of my heart.

I would like to say something on the topic of problem solving skills.

Find one that works.

Dont simply ignore the problem...it wont go away, it will only fester.

Problems are like bombs. If you dont defuse them and find a way to neutralize them, they can and will explode. It may not be today or tomorrow or next week, but it will happen. And then you may lose something very dear to you in the blast.

PS: Before anyone gets their nose out of joint...this is a personal lesson that I am sharing. It is not directed at anyone.

I am Grateful for....

The following is an assignment that I was asked to do in a study group I have recently joined. Make a list of what you are grateful for. A good thing to do any time that you may be feeling down or lost. So here goes:

Life lately has been so increadibly stress-filled and I often feel as though I have no control over what is happening. I try very hard to take only one day at a time, yet lately this is getting harder and harder. I also feel as though nothing I am doing is worth anything or is enough.

So here is my list as it stands. Some of the items may seem strange or you may not understand. I am here if you would like explinations or whatever.

I am grateful for:

• My Mommy, also my best friend and one of the strongest people I know; someone I can always count on and who knows me better then I know myself some days.
• My Nanny and Poppa Scott, who have always been there to help, even when I didnt want to ask for it.
• My sisters, Saturnine and Gypsy, who have seen me at my worst and yet still love me.
• Richard, whom I have hurt so much, yet is still loving and willing to let me make it up; he is my rock and THE stongest and most forgiving person I have ever known; the one who finally made me believe that love can truly overcome all.
• Another chance with my Koegler grandparents and aunt.
• The short letter and pictures I was sent by the half-sister I dont know.
• Those professors who never gave up on me and who have helped me through my long term at the U.
• My inner strength, which will only let me break down for so long before moving me forward
• My long-lost friends; no matter how scattered we are, our love and friendship is true.
• My health, no matter how crappy it may be, I can still enjoy the world around me.
• Mother Nature, for smiling down and all around me; for protecting and teaching, and for always, always loving.
• Finally, hopefully finding a group I can share with and grow with and learn with

The world can get pretty crappy and scary; it is nice to remember that not everything is uncertain. I am learning, slowly, that just because someone else may have gone through worse, it does not mean that your sufferring is not less valid. And there are people who care.

Food for Thought

I saw the following quote in psych. services this week:

Maturity begins to grow when you can sense

your concern for others outweighing

your concern for your self.

-unknown

Imagine the world we would live in if people put the concern of others ahead of their own benefits. That would be a world which I would have no fear raising my children in.

Birthday Nite Notice

This year is the big 2-5; a quarter of a century old!! Getting old! lol

Anyway, this year my birthday falls on a Saturday but the night before is a party at the bar I work at. Marti Gras Mascarade!!

So, this is a formal invite for anyone who wishes to come and join me in celebrating my 25th year. If you let me know before hand, I can get a few tickets, although I still believe there will be a 5$ cover.

So come on out dressed for a party, and dont forget your mask!! :D

New Blog

So I thought I would try out the new and improved Blogger, just to see. I have to say, as someone who doesnt know very much about html, the new layout system is SO much easier and more fun.
so here you go...new and improved. Kinda girly but I like it.
Any thoughts?

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007

Let's hope that 2007 is better.

Learn the lessons of the past year.
Remember with fondness the good times.
Walk forward with a raised head.
Only looking up from here!

Blessings on everyone for the year to come!