I am lost

Have you ever had those moments when nothing feels like it is going the way that you thought it was? That the world is spinning so fast that you are getting left behind? What am I doing? I am always so worried about what other people will think or making other people happy that I think I may have lost myself in the mix. If a friend was in this situation I would tell them to follow their heart 'cause that is always the best thing to follow. The problem here is that my heart is torn and my feelings are so messed up that I have no idea what is true and what isn't.

Now please don't read this and take it as I don't love and care for the people I say I do, 'cause I do; very much so. But that is the problem. I want both to be happy and I can be happy with both...but then I see what this is doing to them and I get increadibly scared. I don't want to hurt anyone and yet I always seem to hurt those I care most about.

I just want everyone to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I just want to disappear. Lose myself in a void somewhere. Or just leave. Yes, it may hurt right now but people would get over it and prolly be better off.

I know how this post prolly sounds but I am not looking for pity or anything like that; I am only getting some stuff off my chest that has been weighing me down for a while.
Sorry if I bothered anyone.