What used to be home

It has most definately been interesting being back in peterborough this past week. I was so excited to be coming back....enough time to see friends I have been missing....much needed visit with my mom.....and work while I was at it.

Well not everything worked out as well as I had envisioned it.

First of all I didn't get as many presentations as I had hoped, and not nearly as many sales. But I guess that is to be expected. I did make some good cash though, and it seems to be picking up. I just hope that I can keep it up in Windsor.

As for the nice peaceful visit with my family...it's not that easy to do when they are screaming at each other! The attitude that Kid has! Geez! I hope that I was never that bad....I couldn't have been or if I was....I'm surprised that Mom didn't get rid of me early!! Sheesh!! Just being here re-inforces the fact that there is no way I could move back in. I guess this is good in some ways because I don't want to become one of those people who lives with their folks for far too long....but than again I hate leaving Mom with all of this stuff to deal with. I feel so helpless when I'm so far away.The worst thing about being here is that I feel even more helpless when I am here and still can't do anything about it. All the screaming does is scare me and all the situation does is piss me off. Neither is good and neither I have control over which only upsets me more. I'm just glad I'm only here for less than a week.

I also miss everyone at home so much. Today wasn't too bad 'cause I kept busy and got to actually see some of my friends here, but most of the week was horrible! I guess you just get used to people always being there and then when they aren't you miss them ten times more. Well Monday nite is finally right around the bend. I will be so nice to be back home once more.

Alright...I'm going to stop complaining tonite and go wait to get stood up again...what else is new....*sigh*

'till tomorrow all

-Sar

Just for a bit...

As you may have guessed I am having major difficulties with this thing I call a Blog. So until someone who knows more about programing language than I do (ie: Trevor, Aaron, and anyone else who could HELP) this shall be my template. I know there are problems with it...ie: no links.....but hopfully this is only temperary.

Anyway I will write more later...promise...but right now I should leave my brother alone before he wakes up and kicks my butt for being in his room at 830 in the morning.

Meh.

Big Smiles Everyone!!

-Sar

A dark whole

The world is spinning and I can't catch up.

Now I don't know if I want to.

I want my bubble back...it was peaceful and safe.
But now it's gone and the real world is too bright.
How can I see the end when I can't see one step in front of me?
How can I see my path when I don't know where it leads?
When I don't know were I am going....

I need a hole
Something dark and secure
Somewhere I can hide
From words
From feeling
From light

I am shrinking
so fast and yet not fast enough
And now I am scared of being squished

Sorry for the Mess

I am currently trying to figure out what the heck went wrong with my blog and try to fix it. As you can see it's not working very well, so please bare with me. I'll try to get it finished within the next couple of days....as long as it doesn't delete itself on me again!! grrr.....

Have any suggestions? Give me a shout!! PLEASE!! I can use all the help I can get!

-An extreamly frustrated Sar

I am lost

Have you ever had those moments when nothing feels like it is going the way that you thought it was? That the world is spinning so fast that you are getting left behind? What am I doing? I am always so worried about what other people will think or making other people happy that I think I may have lost myself in the mix. If a friend was in this situation I would tell them to follow their heart 'cause that is always the best thing to follow. The problem here is that my heart is torn and my feelings are so messed up that I have no idea what is true and what isn't.

Now please don't read this and take it as I don't love and care for the people I say I do, 'cause I do; very much so. But that is the problem. I want both to be happy and I can be happy with both...but then I see what this is doing to them and I get increadibly scared. I don't want to hurt anyone and yet I always seem to hurt those I care most about.

I just want everyone to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I just want to disappear. Lose myself in a void somewhere. Or just leave. Yes, it may hurt right now but people would get over it and prolly be better off.

I know how this post prolly sounds but I am not looking for pity or anything like that; I am only getting some stuff off my chest that has been weighing me down for a while.
Sorry if I bothered anyone.

Last Minute Luau!

Party time is here again!! I warned you we were planning something! *winks and giggles* Lynzy and I had a grand ol' time last nite making our bar not so ugly and I am quite proud of the result. Keep in mind when you see it that it is held together entirely by packing tape and yarn.

So the party is tonite at 9 until whenever. We are going to try something new. If everyone pays a 5$ admission fee, than we can make alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch and snacks that fit the theme. Tell me what you think. This way we are all paying for the refreshments and if you want more than you can bring your own and keep it to yourself. No one will take anyone elses alcohol and we are all happy and having fun. We'll see what happens.

So hope to see you all there tonite with your brightest of brights on!!

Aloha

A Little Bit of Bad.....A Little Bit of Good

Yeah! It's so nice to have the internet again at my fingertips. I didn't realize how much I use it until we didn't have it. But now all is good and the new place is pulling itself together. I like the lack of space (less area to keep clean!!) although I know now that my lack of actual walls for my room is going to get annoying. Not much in the way of privacy if you know what I mean. Oh well, we'll deal.

Here I would like to appologize for my absence at the last party. I really don't know what the hell happened. One minute I was fine (drunk but fine) and the next I was crawling across the floor to Lawrence's old room. Not planning on doing that again. And I am increadiblty upset that I missed all the games! grr... Oh well..we have another party in the works so just you wait.

Oh and I would also like to remind people that they need to bring their own alcohol to these parties (unless otherwise talked to). Between Lynz and I, we lost about 40+ dollars in alcohol that we didn't even touch and I don't know about you but I sure cannot keep doing that. I will be talking to some people personally about replacing it but just please keep in mind that if you want to drink, bring something to drink. Not that we can't all share...we can...just keep in mind to drink only the amount you have brought. Example a 10$ bottle doesn't magically turn into 2 40s!! So that's my rant about that.

Now for some good news....Frodo is the proud mother of 3 new little babies!! and it looks as though one of them may have black fur!! YAY! We were hoping for some interesting colouring, other than just gray so we will see what happens in a week or so when they get their fur.

Anyway gotta head...Van Helsing is calling me!! *wink*

Later